Prior to coming to Oasis I had been working on my testimony. After
 much praying, soul searching, and guidance I finished my story... well, no
 one's story is really finished now is it? I am hoping that through His
 Spirit I may share some of my story that has brought me much closer to
 Him. More importantly, that my words may help someone else see how
 forgiving, gracious and loving a God we have the opportunity to serve!*

I was raised in a "good" Christian home. My family began attending a
 Methodist church when I was 6 years old. I was walked through all the
 rituals... confirmation, baptism, communion... always having the
 perception God was somewhere "up there" and Jesus was the reason we got presents
 at Christmas and baskets full of candy at Easter. I grew up in a "no
 talk" home... meaning negative, bad feelings were never expressed. I had
 friends but didn't get to spend a lot of time with them. So I spent
 more time isolated in my room, listening to music, reading, or
 fantasizing about how my life would be perfect in the future. For then, life in
 our family looked perfect from the outside. But inside there were those
 "pink elephants" in the living room... the ones you tried to ignore? My
 father wasn't around much due to long hours at work. He was a heavy
 drinker and smoker until I was 9. By the grace of God and I believe an
 ultimatum by my mother, he quit both cold turkey. It was very rarely
 discussed again.

When I was 10 I was introduced to "adult" magazines and films through
 my uncle's stash at my cousin's house. My cousin and I wanted to be
 Playboy bunnies for the longest time after discovering this material. I
 also developed a flair for writing the erotic thoughts dancing in my head.
 These thoughts became more frequent, and yet sex education was never
 taught nor reinforced from the Christian perspective in my home. Again
 the "don't talk" rule.

College opened up new doors for me, as the newfound independence
 enticed Satan even closer. I stopped going to church with the excuse I could
 worship God "on my own time, in my own way". Although I did well in my
 6 years of higher education I began drinking heavily, developed bulimic
 behaviors for a couple of years, and sexualized everything. I was
 entangled in an abusive relationship with a guy which wound up in a
 university court case where I wound up mandated to therapy. After my parents
 read 15 pages of the behaviors I'd been exhibiting for a good year their
 response was to take me home for 3 days then ship me back to school
 without one word said about it. After this time, I began to start playing
 piano again after a few years away (I was a vocal major in school). I
 truly believe this was God nudging me... He was there although I didn't
 see it at the time.

When I moved to the Chicago area for work I still indulged in the adult
 entertainment. I was in a couple of relationships that had no depth
 and were all about lust. I was drawn to the adult internet chat rooms and
 found out I was really good at phone sex. In the midst of all this,
 and while establishing myself in my career, my sister got married to a
 Godly man who was Filipino. As she prepared to leave for the Philippines
 for a year she encouraged me to look for a church home. She even went
 to a couple of churches with me, but I didn't "feel" anything there.
 Oddly enough, I found my church in the yellow pages  From the first day I
 attended I knew God brought me there for a reason. Shortly after they
 were looking for a keyboardist and although I hadn't played in years I
 joined the worship band. I became more and more involved in church and
 for the first time started to actually feel and understand a
 relationship with Jesus Christ. In 1997, my sister baptized me through immersion
 as a rededication to my Saviour. It was the best day of my earthly life.

But Satan had other plans... you see, although I had found my calling
 for the time for Him and His Body I hadn't truly protected my mind and
 heart. The choices were still there... and Satan still enticed me with
 all the carnal, fleshly desires to the point where I began leading a
 double life. I had met a man who became my co addict, and was in the
 swinger lifestyle for three years with him. My life became a game of trying
 to serve two masters- worshipping two Gods- and becoming farther away
 from any true love or peace than I could ever imagine. For some reason,
 I broke up with my boyfriend the end of 2004. Something was calling me
 to a new program at my church, Celebrate Recovery. A 12 step Christian
 program where I revealed for the first time that I struggled with
 sexual addiction. I also began an online biblical study on sexual purity,
 and read everything I could on recovery. This went on about four
 months... until for SOME REASON, I began to stray again, and I fell... big
 time... that reason I realized later was not only influence by the enemy,
 but by my own selfishness and need for control.

Last chapter... after being one of the darlings of the Chicago
 lifestyle for 6 months (single bi sexual females are hot commodity), I had gone
 to a new doctor for my female exams and such. The "such" turned out to
 be a pretty extensive battery of STD testing, revealing I had
 contracted herpes at some point. I am asymptomatic in that I have no signs nor
 symptoms but the virus is still there. For life. If it were not for
 that specific blood test (which most doctors do NOT choose to run with STD
 testing) I never would have known my status. I would have continued
 down that scarlet path. That natural consequence of my actions humbled me
 greatly. I did not blame God and was able to acknowledge His grace for
 it could have been much worse. I began to see where God's hand was in
 all of my sin, and how much He protected me and loved me even when I
 was dancing with the devil so to speak.

Cliches aside, to wrap up this long, abbreviated version of the story
 (hehe), one of the core beliefs of sex addicts is that if you knew the real
 me, you could never love me, and would leave me. I've learned that the
 only one who will truly never leave me, and gives me unconditional
 love everyday, is HIM. I read it in the Bible, and you can too. I still
 struggle at times with boundary and relationship issues but my
 relationship with Christ is becoming so much stronger. Satan is but a whisper to
 me most of the time, and most of the time I CHOOSE not to hear him. I
 thank God for bringing me to Christianity Oasis as well. Here in this
 safe haven found amazing Christian brothers and sisters, a real and
 trustworthy friend, and an awesome Godly mentor. To the readers here I pray
 that no matter where you are in your Spiritual Walk, you may take the
 precious time to Seek Him through this community. The Holy Spirit lives
 here, and wishes to live within you as well. May God bless you all
 richly!


Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He
 said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your
 weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the
 power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's
 good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships,
 persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT

*BigHug* Susi