LIFE CONTINUES

by Lynda Doyle-Rodriguez

Chapter 1 - Life Continues
 

            Lynn stayed with Andres trying against all odds to make the relationship work.

She wanted and needed love in her life. It wasn’t the kind of relationship that she needed, but it was better than living alone.  And Andy took care of her financial needs. He worked hard to provide things she wanted. Her old Chevy finally broke down. In the spring of 1991, he bought her a new car, a 1990 Chevy Berretta.

            Andres provided Lynn the material things that Javier could never have afforded.

Lynn let herself become content with these things. During the times when the alcohol took over his mind, turning him into that dark, mean and nasty stranger with the fowl language she didn’t like, Lynn would escape into her world of writing.

            Too many times she just wanted to pack her things and run, but where was the question? And how in the devil could she manage on her small SSI disability check?

$300. Would not go very far, pay rent and buy food, and insurance for her car; those were the necessary things she would need to cover. No, like so many other times in her life,

She was out of options, if she could find a place she could afford, it would be a shack or a dump filled with roaches; and a life of poverty.

            It was better to stay, take the mental abuse and when he passed out, escape into her writing; a world of her own choosing, where she was in control, a world of fantasy where the realities of life did not exist.

            In March of 1991, Andy took his vacation and they took a trip to Texas.

He took his truck, which meant he would have to stay sober, because Lynn could not drive the truck. Thank you God.

            He showed her the big city of Houston; Lynn was impressed, thinking her girls too would have loved this, because it was like visiting Mexico.  All Lynn’s grandchildren, with the exception of Nina, (Chuck’s little girl) were Spanish.

Texas was a big state and Lynn was impressed with its size and scenery and with its people and Spanish heritage.

            There were many places they wanted to visit, but lack of time and money prevented them.

“I wanted to take you down into Mexico,” Andy said, “But we don’t have the time, I need to get back to work and make some more money,” he laughed. It was during these times when he wasn’t drinking, that Lynn felt love for him. Lynn cuddled in his arms.

“That’s okay,” she said, “There is always next year.”

“I wanted to talk to you about that,” he said, “next year I want to come down here and look for a house to buy. I don’t like Virginia, Texas is like my home, where I spent a lot of time working; and one-day I want to live here again.”

            “I can see why,” she said, “Texas is little Mexico!” They laughed together and made love. Then he stared drinking.

“Just a little bottle okay?” If he was asking her permission to drink, no it wasn’t okay.

But Andy was not asking her permission, he was telling her that it was just a little bottle and he would not drink very much.

            At least here in the motel room he would not get drunk, not like he would in his own home. She didn’t know when or where he had gotten the bottle.

2.
 

            That was the very thing that always bewildered Lynn, you could strand Andy on a deserted island and somehow, he would find a liquor store!

            Lynn had a good time in Texas, and she would not let the drinking spoil the time they had enjoyed together. Andy wanted to buy a house and move back to Texas. It was time she thought about her options. If the drinking were unbearable in Virginia, what would it be like if she gave up everything and moved hundreds of miles away? At least in Virginia she had the support of her children. If she ever made the decision to leave, Charles was not too far away. He lived in Harper’s Ferry, West VA. Susan, Kelly and Shawn lived in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania.

            If she moved with him to Texas she would have no support system, but she would not think about that now. Next year was a long way off; this was not a decision that she would have to make right away.

            As they made their way North, back to Virginia, they ran into a blizzard. Coming

Up Rt. 66 East, to get off the interstate, Andy took a short cut. It was a bad decision that stranded them in a little small town somewhere between Gainesville and Chantilly. He tried to turn around and get back on the interstate, but the roads had become impassable.

            Andy pulled the truck into the parking lot of a little café; they went inside for sandwiches and coffee. Andy asked about the conditions of the roads that lay ahead.

Two truck drivers laughed, “Impassable,” they said.

“Buddy, we are all stranded here, maybe for the next couple days. Find a room and settle down,” he said, “Until this blizzard let’s up, nobody is going anywhere.”      

            But the little motel beside the café was booked with stranded motorists.

Andy and Lynn spent the next few hours in the truck. When the manager of the café noticed they were sleeping in the truck, she braved the storm to invite them inside.

            “You can’t stay out here in this blizzard,” she said, “it is too cold and if you keep your truck running to keep the heat on while you sleep, you could die from carbon monoxide poisoning. Please,’ she told Andy, “You and your wife come inside.” Lynn did not tell her that she was not his wife. They welcomed the invitation and spent the rest of the cold night inside the warmth of the café.

            “Thank you for the coffee and sandwiches and thank you for staying open and letting us spend the night.”

“Its no problem,’ she replied, “Its my place I own it,” she laughed, “That is, the bank and I own it together.”

            The next morning they awoke to a changed world; snow covered everything.

The state was busy with snowplows trying as best they could to clean the main roads and the interstate.

            “Andy, maybe we should wait a couple hours before starting out?”

“Yeah, maybe. The roads don’t look too good; I hate driving in this mess. By the time we have more coffee and some breakfast, the interstate should be cleared enough for us to make it home.”

3.
 

            Andy waited two hours to give the state a chance to plow before leaving the cafe to make our way home. A drive that on normal roadways would have taken thirty minutes, took more than six hours. Interstate 66 was jammed with accidents to avoid them Andy had to get off the interstate and take the scenic route home.

            Most of the back roads had not been plowed and those that had been plowed

were covered with drifting and blowing snow. Finally after six long hours we made it into Chantilly. Pleasant Valley road that led to our house had not been plowed. We had driven halfway down the road when his truck became stuck in the snow.

            “I guess we need to walk the rest of the way,” he said, disgusted, “I’ll have to get the company tractor and pull it out.” By the time we had walked through snowdrifts of at least three feet high, we were both wet and cold.

            Susan met us at the door, the grandchildren Michelle and Juan jumped happily into my arms, excitingly shouting the good news.

“Grandma, grandma,” they yelled, “ Princess had puppies!”

“Six,” Juan said, holding up six fingers.

“Come on grandma!” Michelle shouted, excited as she led me to the box in my room, where the puppies were.  Princess yelped and sniffed as Michelle reached down inside the box where her offspring lay.

“Oh no, Andy come and look at your new family! Six of them and Buzz is the proud papa!”

“Oh my God,” he said looking down in the box. “How we going to buy food for these animals? And now, six more!  Honey, I spend $50.00 a week now on the cats, kittens and our two dogs. “

            Hey,” I laughed, “Its your dog Buzz who is the culprit.”  Princess had crawled into the box with her babies; over her objection, Andy picked one from the litter.

“They are cute.” he said, “But now I need to spend more money. Maybe honey we need to get rid of some of our animals.”

            “I have to agree with you, with all the pets, this place is turning into a farm.

All that is lacking for it to be a farm is a horse, maybe a cow and a goat.”

“You forgot the pig and a sheep,” he said putting the puppy back in the box.

“Okay, I need to get my truck out of the snow. I need to get up to the big house.

I’ll see you later.”

            I changed out of my wet clothes and spent some quality time with Susan and the grandchildren.

“Thanks honey, for staying down here and taking care of the animals while we were gone.”

“Your welcome mom, I didn’t have anything else to do and it gave me a break from

Chambersburg. I’m glad I was here when this blizzard hit or those poor dogs would have frozen to death.”

            “Mom? What are you going to do about your relationship with Andy?”

“I don’t like his drinking and the person he becomes when he is drunk. But, I will probably stay. Until I reach the point where I can no longer deal with his alcohol.”
 

4.
 

            In the middle of April, Andy plowed a spot on the side of the house.

“I guess you’re trying to make a farmer out of me.”

“We need a garden, peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, beans, potatoes, corn, whatever

 You want.”  he said,” You like tomatoes, green beans?”

“Yes of course.”

“You don’t want a garden?”

“Andy, a garden is a lot of work. I wasn’t always disabled. I did a lot of gardening when my kids were younger. I just don’t know if I can do it now.”

“Okay, I have worked all day and I ‘m tired now. Leave it alone until tomorrow.”

            His answer was not related to what she had said. He wasn’t listening. But Lynn didn’t want to argue. Sure enough before going into the house, she watched him take the bottle from his truck and take a swig. It was going to be one of those nights.

            Before she had finished fixing his dinner, he was drunk. It wouldn’t have been that bad if when he drank, he would just pass out. Sometimes he would, but other times

He would get, what Lynn called,’ diarrhea of the mouth,’ and nag worse than an old woman.

            “I did all that work and you don’t want the----garden. What is your problem?

You lazy or what? You no different than your----- ---daughters, or crazy like your—son.” And on and on it went. She had learned months before that it was useless to try and carry on a conversation when he was in this kind of mood. And whatever had happened at work that day, he would take it out on her.

            She listened until he started nodding off, she escaped to her room.  If she could

just publish the book, about her and papa that would be her out. She would not have to depend on him for financial needs.

            The only prospects she had were self-publishing companies. Lynn didn’t know if it was her writing, the subject matter, or because the last name was still Hernandez. Some day’s depression overwhelmed her and she felt like giving up. As soon as the rejection came in the mail, she would stay depressed for a few days but some strange power that she did not understand, refused to let her give up on the dream.

            Within days her manuscript would be making the rounds again. Not being able to attend college, Lynn bought as many books as she could on the subject or writing; books on creating characters, dialogue between characters, learning to create vivid scenes; She

subscribed to Writer’s Digest. While her manuscript made the rounds, Lynn worked on

learning to improve her craft.

            Writing, tending to the animals, to Andy’s house and his needs, and the garden,

kept her busy with little time to dwell on the past and mistakes made in her present. Sometimes, when she would dwell too much on the mistake she had made in the present.

Her mother’s words would return to haunt her, ‘when you make your bed you lie in it.’

            In other words, when you make mistakes deal with it or get out; Lynn was finding it impossible to deal with it and unless money started falling from heaven, there was no way she could get out.

5.
 

            In June Andy celebrated his birthday, June 13, he was forty-six; one year older than Lynn.  But the drinking had aged him, making him older than his forty-six years.

“Hey, for my birthday I want you to fix a good supper. I’m having a party for my friends and me. My friends like beer, lots of beer.”

“Happy birthday,” I said, “What do you want me to fix?”

“Honey, Mexican food.”

“What kind of Mexican food? Chicken and rice and beans, or tacos, burritos?”

“I don’t care, Mexican food and lots of beer.”

            Those were her instructions for the day, buy cases of beer and spend the rest of the day in the hot kitchen.

Lynn wanted to celebrate with him, she wanted to show him that she loved him, but every

Time she tried to show her love, he would drink and turn into the dark, mean and nasty stranger with the fowl mouth, who would curse at her, and yell nasty and hateful words

About her children,

            Lynn wanted to celebrate, but she could not, her heart was not in it. She went about the day, doing needed chores before heading off to the store. She spent the rest of the day making enchiladas; tortillas rolled around a meat filling with hot sauce.

            Making enchiladas takes more time than other foods; boiling the chicken, picking it off, dipping the tortillas in hot chili sauce. She fixed refried beans and Spanish rice. Lynn didn’t know how many people were coming by the time she had finished she had more than thirty enchiladas, a large pot of hot sauce, a skillet of refried beans and a pot of Spanish rice.

            When Andy came in from work that day, he looked at the spread of food on the table and hugged her.

“Thank you honey, “ He sampled the enchiladas, “Good!” She bought him a present.

A black western belt and a birthday card, she had also made a cake and bought ice cream.

“Honey, I don’t need cake, but thank you.” Lynn kissed him,

“Happy birthday Andy, “

“Did you buy soda and chips for you?” Lynn laughed.

“Of course, and I put aside three enchiladas for me without the sauce and bought three cases of beer, ‘corona,’ and two cases of, ‘Budweiser.’ I hope its enough.”

            “It’s enough,” he said, “I got two bottles. But maybe I won’t drink too much,

Just a little bit for my birthday. Arturo has a girlfriend, I told him to bring her, is that

Okay with you, if the girlfriend comes?”

“Sure, I welcome someone to talk too, another female.”

“Maybe you and her could become friends, she doesn’t have any friends.”

            Lynn was glad she had enough food to feed a camp. Andy’s house was filled with guys, Arturo had brought his girlfriend, and her name was Sandra. While helping Lynn in the kitchen she said, “Thank you for inviting me, you seem to be a person I can talk with and

I need help.”

            “Whatever I can do,” Lynn said, “Just let me know, I’ll help anyway I can.”  Sandra smiled, “Wait until the guys pass out and I will tell you, okay?”

6.
 

            Sandra was friendly and polite and she was scared and in trouble.  Lynn didn’t know what the problem was; Sandra had not yet shared it with her. But whatever it was,

Sandra reminded Lynn of her daughter, Kelly; a little shy and intimated, needing help but a little afraid of asking for it, afraid of being let down.

            When the beer ran out, Andy sent Lynn to the store to buy more.  Lynn asked Sandra to ride with her. It was the chance she needed to ask Sandra what was going on and what could Lynn do to help her.

“What can I do to help you Sandra?” Sandra wiped the tears falling down her face.

Lynn pulled into the parking lot of the store.

“Sandra, I feel you are in trouble. I don’t know what it is, but you can trust me okay?”

“Arturo has been beating me,” she said, “I want to get away, but I don’t have transportation. I need somebody to take me to the bus station in Winchester.”

“Don’t cry,” Lynn told her, “When do you want to go?”

“Tonight after Arturo gets drunk enough to pass out, by the time he wakes up and knows I am gone, it will be too late for him to find me. I’ll be on the bus headed for Georgia.”

Lynn reached over and hugged her,

            “I have a plan,” she said, “On the way back from the store we can stop by the big house, pack your stuff and leave it in my car. Then when the guys pass out, we can take off.”

“What about Andy?  Won’t he be ticked off at you?”

“Leave Andy to me, he won’t even know I have left.”  Sandra hugged her, a big smile spread across her face.

“Thank you,” she said, “When you buy the beer, buy lots of it.”

“I will buy cases of it!” Lynn said laughing.

            Lynn stayed in the car while Sandra went inside the big house to pack her belongings. They didn’t want anyone to know that Lynn had helped her.  While she was waiting, Lynn thought about her own situation and the mess she had made of her life. Just because Lynn had chosen to stay, she was glad that Sandra had a mother who was able and willing to help her; and she was glad that Sandra was leaving an abusive relationship.

            After the guys passed, Lynn drove Sandra to the bus station in Winchester, and waited with her until the bus arrived. She helped Sandra gather her bags and hugged her.

“Good luck,” Lynn said, “I’m glad your not staying in an abusive relationship.”

“Thank you Lynn for helping me,” she said, “You know the other ladies told me, ‘you were snobbish, but you’re not that way at all. You’re vary caring and loving, and Lynn,

Andy is a good person, but you need better. You need somebody whose life is not liquor.

“Somebody who can and will love you for the person your are.”

            On the drive home, Lynn thought about what Sandra had said, and why would the ladies think that she Lynn, was, ‘snobbish?’ Maybe it was because Lynn kept to herself and didn’t associate.

7.
 

            Sandra had spoke frankly and her words haunted Lynn, ‘Andy is a good person but you need better that somebody whose life is liquor. You need someone who will love you for the person you are.’

            Maybe Sandra was right, but no thank you, Lynn had been down that road before;

As the old saying goes, ‘been there and done that, Lynn had been there, she had down that, and she wasn’t about to put herself through that kind of pain ever again.

As far as not associating, it wasn’t because she considered herself, ‘snobbish,’ or above anyone else, she didn’t; how could she communicate when the other two ladies did not speak English?

            Lynn knew a little bit of Spanish, but when Javier died, so did her knowledge of the Spanish language. Lynn was no longer interested; she was an American woman and English was her native language.

            When she arrived home Andy and his friends were still pass out. Lynn went to her room, being quiet as not to awaken Andy or his drunken guests. It seemed as if she had just went to bed, when she was awakened by the sound of someone roaming about the house, cursing in Spanish. Just as she was about to climb our bed to investigate, Andy began pounding on the door.

            “Hey Lynn, where is Sandra?” Arturo was behind him cursing in Spanish.

“What? Sandra? I don’t know, I went to bed, I heard of being, ‘my brothers keeper,’

But you want me to be responsible for guests too?”

‘Don’t get smart,” Andy snapped. Lynn wanted to say, ‘and if I do, what?’ But she didn’t.

“Andy I have no idea what you’re talking about, or what he is cursing about. I went to bed last night.”

            “”Sandra took off in the middle of the night,” Andy said,” Arturo checked the big house, she is not in their bedroom and her stuff is gone.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” she said, “But if he checked the big house and her stuff is gone, why ask me? I’ve been asleep, I have no idea where the girl went.”

            “Never mind, go back to bed, it’s his problem anyway.” Andy said, “Thanks for the party and the birthday dinner, I enjoyed it,” he said giving her a kiss, “go back to bed.” Lynn rubbed sleep from her eyes.

“It’s too late now, once I’m awake I can’t get back to sleep.”

“If you’re up, make coffee okay? While I clean up the mess.”  Wow! Lynn thought, what has gotten into him! He was actually going to stay sober clean up the beer cans, beer bottles and the dirty ashtrays!

            Later after the guys had left and Andy was in the kitchen helping her put away the food and dump the trash, he kissed her tenderly on the mouth.

“It’s okay with me,” he said, “If you helped the girl. Arturo is my friend but my other friend told me last night, that sometimes Arturo would beat on Sandra.”

            Careful Lynn! Her mind warned, he is fishing for information. Lynn didn’t like

To be deceitful but it had been for a worthy cause.

“Helped her with what Andy?” Lynn smiled asked, smiling sweetly.

8.
 

            “Never mind, “ Andy said, “After we get this mess cleaned up, let’s look for some yard sales. Ray wanted me to work but I don’t feel like it today. I feel like spending time with you okay?”

            Andy took care of the animals while she finished cleaning the kitchen and dumping the garbage.

            The sun was shining and it was a perfect day to cruise around looking for yard sales. They went from one yard sale to the other, starting in Chantilly, going into Berryville, and coming back a different route by way of Charles Town, WVA, to Leesburg, VA and back home to Chantilly.

            In addition to stopping at the many yard sales, they also stopped at the many flea markets and they had lunch in Charles Town. They had made many stops, looking for nothing in particular, just whatever it was that might interest them. There were many items on display, some of the merchandise was very nice with a nice price, too much value for yard sale stuff; and other stuff they checked out was just junk

            At the flea market in Berryville, Andy bought her a necklace with a silver chain;

Indian turquoise.  Her would have bought her the matching bracelet with the ring, but Lynn told him no, the vendor wanted double for what she could buy it for at a quality

Jewelry store.

            Andy found a pair of cowboy boots he could use for work, four short sleeve tee shirts and three pair of black jeans that could also be used for work. They picked up some household items, two pots with lids, some flatware and a cast-iron skillet.

“This is good for refried beans,” he laughed.

            It turned out to be a good day and Lynn was glad he had taken the day off from work. Andy had stayed sober, allowing them to spend quality time together. Most the time when he took off on Saturday’s it was because he was too hung over to drive the tractor. He would take off and wanted to hunt for yard sales, Lynn would have to drive,

Because he was hung over he could not drive. And even if he had wanted to drive, Lynn would not have let him.

She loved her life too much to let him get behind the wheel of her car, or his car, or any car she might be a passenger in and Lynn would never let Andy drive if he was hung over or drinking.

            Andy stayed sober for two weeks; it was a record for him. Life continued on as before. Lynn spent her days taking care of the animals, planting, and when she could find the time, Lynn would write.

            Lynn loved writing it was her way of escaping into a world of her own creation.

The first advice always given to new writers was to write about what you know. Lynn’s thoughts were on her children and the unhappiness they had experienced during times of childhood. Lynn decided to try and create a character for a juvenile novel, as an example Lynn used her eldest son, Charles.

9.
 

            With her son as the example Lynn created her main character she named him,

‘Randy.’  Lynn decided she would take Randy through a series of adventures, which would pit Randy against nature and man. In this first series, Randy would have to overcome many obstacles; she would endow her character with athletic abilities to overcome the obstacles he would face.

            As Lynn became engrossed in planning her novels and developing traits for her

Main character, she forgot about the, ‘real,’ world she was living in, and life continued.

            Andy would stay sober for weeks at a time, loving her and wanting her to return that love; during those times, her would surprise her with small little gifts. But his bouts with sobriety would never last.

            He would drink at night, get drunk and pass out; get up, hung over, sick and throwing up. Most the time he would pass out leaving Lynn to her own devices. At other times he would turn into the mean and nasty stranger with the fowl mouth, cussing at her,

Accusing Lynn of all sorts of stuff.

            Lynn learned to handle the emotional pain, pushing down into her soul. Andy was never physically abusive, but he was very emotionally abusive.

            Summer turned to fall and Thanksgiving Day was two weeks away. Lynn wanted to fix a big dinner and invite all her children.

“What do want for Thanksgiving Day,” she asked Andy, “Turkey or Ham?”

“I don’t want anything,” he said, he was drinking but he was not drunk.

“I thought I’d fix a big dinner and have all the kids come down,” she said,’ is that okay with you?”

“The girls and the children and Chuck is okay,” he answered, “but not your crazy boy Shawn.”

“Never mind Andy,” she said, “I’ll go to Pennsylvania and celebrate the day.”

“Do what you want,” was his response, “I don’t care.”

            Lynn left him alone to sink into his world of alcohol and she escaped to her room,

Slamming her door, she was angry and she wanted him to know it. A few minutes later he was banging on the door.

“Open the door!” he yelled. Lynn didn’t want to unlock the door, but if she didn’t he would just break it down. When she opened the door he started in again.

“My friends are here,” he yelled, “You need to go buy some beer.’ Defiant, Lynn ignored his command.  She walked past him and into the kitchen; he followed her into the kitchen. Lynn continued to ignore him and went about fixing her a sandwich.

            “Never mind,” he said, “go to your room,” he ordered, like she was a child that needed to obey her father. Lynn walked into her room; she set the sandwich and drink down on the table.  Andy had closed her door. Angrily, Lynn jerked the door open and walked back into the living room, she stood defiantly before him.

            “I am not a child,” she said, “And, I will not be ordered to stay in my room!”

And, if you want the damn beer you can get it yourself!”  Lynn walked back into her room and slammed the door.

10.
 

            A week before Thanksgiving Day, Lynn went to Pennsylvania to spend the holiday with her children. Andy could drink himself into a coma and she didn’t care one way or the other.

            Lynn stayed until the until the 1^st of December, she didn’t want to leave.

“Mom,” Kelly said, “You know you can come here anytime you want to.”

“I know honey,” Lynn said, “And I thank you for the invitation but even with all of his drinking and mental abuse, I guess I’m just not ready yet to take that final step.”

            “Mom you need to do what is best for you, Papa wouldn’t want you living like this?” A sudden angry wind, like the stirrings of a tornado, blew into my world and the

Emotions I had been covering up since I had found out about papa’s betrayal blew open;

            “Then papa should have divorced his Mexican wife before we got married! But no, he didn’t and because of Her. I can’t file for damages or collect anything on his behalf.

            “I took care of him, she didn’t, I loved him, and she didn’t!

“Nobody seem to care about where he was or how he had been during the last 15 years since he let Mexico. Now he’s dead and there is money to beget. Suddenly everybody cares!” Kelly hugged me.

            “Mom, don’t,” she said, “I know you’re angry, but don’t like that papa loved you,

Isn’t that what is important?”

“Yeah right, Kelly, sometimes I think papa was the biggest player of all times?” I loved him and probably always will, but I’m done with love. There is no such thing.”

“Mom, you don’t mean that, you’re just angry.”

            “Darn right!” Lynn yelled, “I am more than angry and I’ve been holding it all in for months now. I’m angry with myself. I should have listened to Rodriguez.  He told me to,

‘Leave it alone.’ But do you think I’d listen? No, not me.  Stupid me has to prove a point, stupid me, has to fight a battle that is not even mine to fight.” In disgust, Lynn threw her hands in the air.

            “You know what makes me even more angry that finding out that Papa was still married?”

Is knowing that Julie will benefit from all my hard work. Nobody wanted to help Kelly, nobody knew how to do anything, and I got the balling roll.  And not only that, but at papa’s funeral, remember how she turned on me and supported his kids? I am glad she wanted to there for papa’s kids, but why did she have to turn on me in the process?

No honey, I hope you and Martin make this. Thing called love,’ work for you, but I’m over it all ready.”

            “Mom, I am so sorry you lost papa. I know you loved him very much. I hate to see you bitter like this. It’s not like you. But mom, you have to understand, most of the older guys are married in Mexico.”

            “Kelly, he lied to me!” Lynn said, “He told me, ‘no more wife.’” Lynn cried in her daughter’s arms.

11.
 

            “Mom, he didn’t mean to lie to you. When these guys come into this country,

They come to work and send money back home to support their families. Maybe, papa had been over here for so long that he didn’t think about his old life. He wanted a life with you mom, I know he loved you.”

            “I know he loved me, Kelly. But don’t you see, by him still being married, it’s make me feel that our life together was a lie!” Lynn wiped at the tears rolling down her face.

“That is what tears at my heart, when I think that love we shared was a lie.”

“No it wasn’t mom, his love for you wasn’t a lie. I don’t know why papa didn’t tell you.

“But I know his love for you was real.”

“Whatever,” Lynn said, “It doesn’t make any difference now, does it? He’s gone and my

Life stinks. And the sad part is, that I’m stuck. No matter how bad his drinking gets, I have to deal with it.”

            “No you don’t mom. If it gets too bad just come up here and stay with us. We’ve been thinking about moving to Martinsburg.” Kelly said, “Martin’s friends told him there are more construction jobs down there and wages are higher. But, I hate to leave Susie up here alone.”

            “Don’t worry Kelly,” Susan said, “If you move, one day I will probably follow”

“Without Lucas,” she said, “I’m getting tired of his mess, he’s a dictator, and as soon as I can get it together, me and my kids are out of here.”

            “You girls have more courage then I do,” Lynn said, “You’re making better choices then I’ve made in my life.”

            “Mom,” Susan said, “Wherever we are, be it Martinsburg, or Chambersburg,

Don’t ever feel like you have to stay in this relationship with Andres. You can come and stay with us.” Lynn hugged her girls.

“I know girls, but I walked into this mess and I have two choices, make the best of it,

Or find a way out. Life goes on and one way or another, I have to deal with it. Right now, I’m just making the best of it.”

            Lynn didn’t want to but she hugged them all good-by, “Shawn, you be good and don’t give your sister any trouble. I guess one day you’re mother might get it together.

“When I do, I will find a apartment, then maybe you will want to come home again.”

            “I love you mom,” Shawn said, “But don’t count on me coming back to Virginia.

I can’t stand Andres and I know he doesn’t like me. If you ever get away from him and find an apartment, I’ll think about coming back.”

            “I know you don’t like him Shawn and you can’t get along with him. I don’t think it isn’t that he doesn’t like you, he doesn’t understand your emotional disability and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”

            “You are making excuses for him mom,” Shawn said, “He doesn’t have to deal with my disability. I don’t care if he likes me or not. I’m your son, not his.” Crying,

Lynn hugged him. “I am really sorry about the choices I’ve had to make.”

“Don’t cry mom, it’s okay,” Shawn said, “I still love you.”

12.

Chapter 2 - The Journey
 

            Christmas of 1991 passed with Lynn still living with Andy. Christmas Day was no different then the year before. With Lynn fixing dinner and Andres drinking and spouting off at the mouth.

            Again, they had another snow, Lynn couldn’t drive in, but as soon as the roads were cleared of ice and snow, she packed up the presents she had for her girls and Shawn

And the grandkids, and headed for Chambersburg.

            On December 30^th Lynn turned 46, she spent her birthday in Chambersburg with her family. The day after New Year’s she headed back to Virginia. The year of 1992, brought with many more changes in her life.

            Winters of ice and snow gave way to spring, as they had done the year before, Andy plowed the garden and Lynn kept busy planting then harvesting the crops. Whenever possible, Lynn would escape into her world of writing.

            She had a series of children’s manuscripts piling up on her desk. The first series was titled, ‘Randy,’ a basic introduction of her main character; She had created four series to the character. In each series, Randy was two years older and his adventures grew more dangerous, requiring more skill to defeat the obstacles of man and nature he would face.

            The second series, Lynn titled;  ‘Randy and The Haunted House.’ In this series, Randy is fourteen, and stubborn and strong willed, which leads him into trouble.

            The third series, Lynn titled; ‘Randy and The Kidnapers.’ Randy is now sixteen.

In this series, Lynn brings back two characters from the first book. Randy’s father has been kidnapped by a biker gang and against his stepmother’s orders, Randy sets out to find his father.

            The fourth and final series, Lynn titled; ‘A Season For Randy.’ Her character is now eighteen and sets out to find the mother who left him when he was a toddler. This series leads Randy from Virginia to California. So far, his adventures are still just scattered thoughts written down on notes. Lynn has yet to put them together.

            Every now and then, necessity would force Lynn out of the fantasy world she had created. Bringing her back into the world of reality. A world Lynn had chosen not to deal with, a world she had chosen to escape.

            The beginning of August 1992, Lynn received a letter from her brother informing her that her mother had been placed in a nursing home. Lynn called and was able to talk with her mother. Lynn promised her mother that she would find a way to visit her in Montana. She talked to Andy about making the trip to Montana.

            “Mother really wants to see me,” Lynn pleaded, “I need to see her while I still can, before it’s too late.” As usual Andy was drinking.

“Okay,” he said, “I will take my vacation is September, and we will drive out there.”

            No, it wasn’t okay. Lynn wanted Andy to buy her a plane ticket. Lynn had the feeling that September might be too late. Somehow, without knowing it, Lynn had predicted what would come to pass.

13.
 

            Lynn’s mother died on August 29^th1992. The saddest part was that Lynn had not been informed until two weeks after the funeral! Dallas had sent word asking the police in Fairfax, Virginia to locate his sister. Lynn was furious. After talking with her mother, Lynn had left her name, address and phone number with the nursing home. And nobody

Had bothered with passing her phone number on to her brother!

            The police claimed, ‘they could not find her.’

“Yeah right,” Lynn cried to Andy, “If there would have been a warrant for my arrest, they would have found me! Bunch of, ‘damn liars!” She cussed. Lynn didn’t make it a habit of using fowl language, but she found very descriptive adjectives that day to sum up her feelings for the police Department of Fairfax County.

            Lynn and her son, Charles, made another trip to Chambersburg, to inform the other half of the family of their grandmother’s death. It was not a time of happy reunion.

They packed them all up in Lynn’s van and drove to the gravesite in Silver Spring, Maryland.

            While Charles drove, Lynn cried, bawled her heart out. Just to think that

Dallas and his wife had been there, buried her mother, while she missed it, from start to finish. She missed the church service in Montana and the gravesite service in Maryland.

Her brother and his wife had come alone with no support from his sister.

            Like she had done when Javier had died, Lynn cried in her sister’s arms.

Carol was not her biological sister, but after her divorce with Charlie, and later when

Lynn and her children had moved in with Charlie and Carol, the two of them had become

the best of friends.

            To other people it seemed strange that Lynn and Carol would become friends.

The ex-wife becoming friends with the new wife, but Lynn and Carol had loved the same

man. When people would ask her about it, Lynn would just shrug and her answer to their

questions would be the same.

            “If it hadn’t been Carol, it would have been someone else,” Lynn would reply and

walk away.  In time, after Lynn was past the anger and rage, Carol became the sister Lynn never had.  The bond was there, during times of tragedy and emotional crisis, they

were there for each other. Carol’s children became her children and Lynn’s children became Carol’s children. They were one big family, not always happy with each other, but always there with love and support.

            And this time was no different, like Lynn had been there for Carol and Donna, when little Andy, Carol’s small grandson, Donna’s little boy, had died, Carol was there for Lynn.

            “What make it so terrible, “ Lynn cried, “Is that I miss it all, the funeral and the service at the gravesite. I didn’t even know that my own mother had died!” Lynn cried.

            “I know sis,” Carol cried with her, “I know, just cry and let it all out.”

“Me and mother were never close and I guess that is what I will always miss the most.

Is not having had the chance to have that mother and daughter relationship.”

            “At least you have that relationship with your children Lynn and that’s one thing to be thankful for.” Carol said.

14.
 

            Mom died on August 29, 1992; Lynn lived in the big city of Fairfax, Virginia,

And yet amongst thousands of people, Lynn felt alone.  There was nowhere she could go for comfort.

            On September 28, a Spanish lady selling Avon came to her door in Chantilly.

Lynn wasn’t interested in buying Avon; she was still trying to get over her mother’s death. The Spanish lady saw her tears and set down to talk with her. She was very sweet

And very kind. There was something about this lady, an inner glow and happiness, and a feeling of peace that just seemed to reach out and touch Lynn.

            “My church is having a prayer meeting in Arlington tomorrow,” she said, “Why

Don’t you come? I will stop by and pick you up, or you could meet me in Centerville?”

            “I don’t know,” Lynn, replied, “I’m not much for church. It’s been so long the roof would probably cave in if I went.” Lynn joked.

“Don’t you believe in God?” she asked.

“Of course, I used to pray,” Lynn said, “But for some reason God never heard my prayers, and if He did hear them, He chose not to answer.” Lynn was being honest; she stopped praying after Javier died.

            Lynn had prayed so hard that day in the emergency room, that God would save Javier’s life. But heaven had been silent. And Javier had died. That was God’s answer.

Lynn had given up, she stopped praying.

            “Meet me anyway,” she said, “In Centerville at the shopping center off route 28.

I’ll be there at 10; am. Please come?”

            “I guess,” Lynn, said, “I don’t have anything else to.”

“God will bless you,” she said, “If you come.”

“I doubt that,” Lynn replied,” But I’ll come.”

            But when the next day rolled around, Lynn was making up excuses as to why she didn’t want to go. She had too much to do; she would never get it all done in time to shower and head to Centerville.

            But at the last minute, she jumped in the car and headed to Centerville. After all,

She didn’t have anything else to do anyway with her boring day. At least she would be getting out of the house.

            It was a Catholic prayer meeting, most of the ladies were also Spanish, but they spoke very good English. The meeting was held by a nun, but not an ordinary nun, they

Called her a, ‘prophetess.’ Lynn wondered what she had let herself get involved with.

But she sat quietly and listened.

            This, ‘prophetess,’ prayed for the country, and the church, then she prayed for members of the group.” God is call someone here today,” she said, and as she said those words, Lynn felt a presence come over her; at first she didn’t understand it, then as the nun kept praying, Lynn heard the voice of God.

            “Are you ready to come to me now Lynn?” His spirit asked. At the sound of

His voice, Lynn was on her knees, tears ran down her face, she cried before God, confessing her sins and asking God’s forgiveness.

15.
 

            Lynn had always been honest and that honesty served her well now as she knelt on her knees, crying her heart out to the only one who could forgive her and cleanse her;

On September 29, 1992, one month to the day after her mother’s death, the date forever etched in her memory; in a room full of strangers, the holy God of heaven called Lynn out of the world and into His kingdom;

            When God had asked, ‘if she was ready to come to him now,’ Lynn didn’t wait to respond; “Yes Lord!” Was her response as she fell on her knees crying out the pain in her heart, unashamed before strangers, Lynn confessed her sins and asking for forgiveness.

            The most precious words she heard Him say which are also etched in her memory

Were; “By your faith my daughter you have been saved.” A second half of the message followed; “Leave the boyfriend, he is oil and you are water. Oil and water do not mix.”

            A weight had been lifted from her shoulders, the anger, the resentment and the shame of the life she had been leading was gone; God had taken it, and replaced it with His forgiveness and His love;

            Lynn had come to that meeting a skeptic, she had come depressed, alone with anger and resentment filling her heart, her mind and her soul; she had come sick and broken.

            But when Lynn left that Catholic prayer meeting, she was a different person; God had taken the brokenness and had made her whole. Her mind was different, her heart and her soul had been cleansed and healed.

            All the way home Lynn sang, ‘The Old Rugged Cross.’ She blessed the young Spanish lady who had invited her. Her thoughts were now on God and his kingdom.

“You find a church now,” the Spanish lady said, crying with her, “You find a church and stay strong in the Lord.”

            Lynn cried in her arms and thanked her over and over. On the ride home, she shared with Lynn some of her story.

            “My husband use to come home from work and drink,” she said, “Me and my children would go into our closet and pray. One night, he threw open the closet door and yelled at us.

            “Why you in here?” he yelled.

“We are praying,” she said, “We are praying that one day you will stop drinking and come to church with us.” Tears ran down her face.

            “And one Sunday morning, he did,” she said, “And he never drank again.”

Lynn was impressed; her faith had made it happen. And right then Lynn felt that if she

Could have that same faith, maybe, Andres too, would stop drinking and come to church with her.

            Then the Lord brought to her remembrance the second half of His message;

‘Leave the boyfriend, he is oil and you are water. Oil and water do not mix.’

16.
 

            But Lynn was a new Christian in Christ, she had faith, but God had not yet given her wisdom. Lynn felt like her heart was about to explode, “But, Lord, I can bring him to you!” She was bursting at the seams, happy, joyful, excited; “Yes Lord, I can bring him to you!” Lynn cried.

            But Lynn didn’t have the wisdom to think that, ‘maybe, that wasn’t her job.’

Lynn didn’t understand the second half of God’s message and she didn’t wait on God, she didn’t wait on His wisdom to understand the second half of the message, she plowed ahead. Lynn knew that she could no longer share Andy’s bed without the benefit of marriage; she would have to leave or marry him, God had left her with the choice.

            Instead of leaving Andres, as the Lord had instructed, on February 27, 1993, she married him. Lynn didn’t understand that by doing so, she was going against God’s will, going against His plan for her life. She did not understand that she would be, ‘unevenly yoked.’

            Lynn found a church, Oakton Baptist Church. The spirit led her to where God wanted her to be. Every time Lynn went grocery shopping, she would look to the right side of the road, there sat this little stone church with its white steeple. Lynn could feel the draw of the spirit, and she knew this was where God wanted her to worship him.

            Lynn had never felt a part of anything before, but the Sunday morning that she walked into that little church, she felt like she belonged there. The people were warm, outgoing and friendly. Lynn was home.

            Pastor Lewis Holmes and his wife Barbara, and co-pastor Bill Gamble and his wife Mary, welcomed her with open arms. When the invitation was given, Lynn walked up front, she wanted to be baptized. Again the spirit of the Lord spoke to her.

            “Follow me,” He said, “And I will give you the desires of your heart.”

Lynn broke down, as tears flowed down her face, Lynn cried out to God. She cried over her children.

            “Lord, they were just four precious little children and I didn’t protect them!”

“Its my fault Lord, you gave them to me to love and protect and I was too involved in myself and because of all my bad decisions, I dragged them through the fires of hell, of poverty and abuse. Lord forgive me!”

            “Lynn you can’t give them back their childhoods,” God said, “When water is spilled from the glass you can not scoop it up and put it back in the glass. But you can give them a future.”

            “Lord, you said that if I follow you, you would fulfill the desires of my heart. Lord, my desires are not for material wealth, but my desires are for my the salvation of my children!”

            On September 29, 1992, Lynn had been saved and on December 9, 1992, Lynn was baptized. On the day of her salvation Lynn had moved out of Andy’s bed and with strength from God, she stayed out of his room until the day they became husband and wife. Lynn now belonged to God and his church and even when Andy would laugh and mock her, Lynn would retreat to her room, pray and study God’s word; and that gave her

The strength she needed.

17.
 

            OBC, as the church had been nicknamed, short for, Oakton Baptist became Lynn’s second home. She was there every Wednesday, every Sunday morning and every Sunday night.

            Lynn’s daughter Susan had left Pennsylvania and was living in Leesburg. Kelly

Was living in the small trailer behind the house she shared with Andres. Lynn was now teaching Sunday school and she loved it.

            Every Sunday morning Lynn would make the trip to Leesburg to pick up her daughter and two grandchildren. On the very first day Lynn was taught her first Sunday school class, during the afternoon service, Susan walked the isle, giving her life to Jesus.

When their mother was baptized, the grandchildren were baptized with her!

            As Lynn prayed over them she cried, knowing that God was keeping his promise, what awesome God she served!

            One service during the middle of winter was especially near and dear to her heart.

Shawn had come down for a visit, the roads were bad, with ice and snow and she couldn’t get him back to Pennsylvania. He went to church with her and his sister’s.

            When the invitation came, Lynn heard the voice of the Lord, “Take their hands,” He said. “Oh Lord, Lynn cried,” I’m not worthy!

“I didn’t ask you to be worthy,” The Lord said. Being obedient to the spirit, Lynn took the hands of her children.

            Her daughter Kelly on one side of her, and her son Shawn on the other side.

It was like a jolt electricity going down her arms flowing through Lynn into her children.

Kelly and Shawn burst into tears, Lynn stood beside them at the alter, praying with them

The prayer of salvation.

            Yes, God is awesome. Lynn was following Jesus, and God was fulfilling His promise to fulfill the desires of her heart. Three of her children were now in the kingdom; there was one child left and Andres.

            Lynn was growing and learning in Christ. Learning in knowledge and growing in faith. At home, Lynn would try and set the example, but nothing changed. After their marriage, Andres promised he would try and, ‘slow down,’ he would be fine for a month or two and it would start all over.

            Lynn would retreat to her room, to read her Bible and pray. On Sunday’s and Wednesday’s, church was her outlet. Through Bible study Lynn was learning the meaning of being,’ unevenly yoked.’ Lord, she cried, why didn’t I know this before?’

            Dissatisfied with her marriage, Lynn cried out to God, Lord, provide me with

A place to live and I’ll go.’

            In the fall of 1993, God provide housing in Leesburg, it was the same low-income

Housing project where her daughter Susan and grandchildren lived. Lynn and Shawn moved in.

18.

Chapter 3 - Deception
 

            Lynn loved being closer to her daughter Susan, while Susan worked, Lynn would see that her grandchildren, Michelle and Juan, got on the school bus and she would be there when they came home in the afternoon.

            But that was the only thing she liked about Leesburg. Lynn felt that she did not fit into the neighborhood. Shawn and Lynn moved in May of 1993.  Lynn did not make any friends, she didn’t look for any. Shortly after the move in May, Charles came home. It was only a two bedroom, Charles slept on the sofa in the living room.

            She had been there two months when Andy came one weekend, pleading for her to take a vacation with him to Texas. He missed her and wanted her back.

            “I love you Andy,” she said, “But I can’t live with the drinking. I have my church and I am happy. We live in different worlds, your world is the bottle, and my world is church and family.”

            “I will stop drinking I promise and I will go to church with you. If you just come back to me.” Andy said. “You and me were married in the church, we shouldn’t be apart.

“Spend the weekend with me, please, I will stay sober and Sunday I will go to church with you.”

            Lynn packed a few things and spent the weekend with him in Chantilly. She wanted so badly for Andy to stop drinking, and Lynn had been praying for it. Perhaps this was an answer to her prayers.

            Andy kept his promise, he stayed sober and when Sunday morning rolled around, he went to church with her. When pastor Holmes, gave the invitation, Andy walked up the isle. Lynn stood by his side as he confessed his needs before God.

“I don’t want the alcohol anymore,” he said, “I want God to take it and to forgive me.

And I want my wife back.”

            Lynn had married this man, she felt she was obligated to stay with him, especially now, after he had given his heart to God. She gave Shawn and Charles the apartment and moved back in with him. In August Lynn took the vacation to Texas. Andy had not been drunk since that Sunday when he had walked the isle. It appeared that he was keeping his promise to stop drinking.

            He searched the countryside in Texas, until he found property and a house in Bedias, Texas. It was set on three acres of ground; the house had three bedrooms and two bathrooms. It was, ‘an unfinished shell,’ on a block foundation.  They would have to finish the inside. The price was $15,000. It was $600.00 down and $250.00 a month.

Lynn tried to talk him out of it. But Andy was too excited,