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SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE
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DUE TO EXPLICIT SEXUAL LANGUAGE, THIS STUDY IS FOR ADULTS ONLY!
HOW TO OBTAIN AND MAINTAIN SELF CONTROL
It's time for a lil heart to heart talk, dear friends.
Striving to be scrupulous about your virtue is such an
honorable endeavor, and believe me, I understand, that
living a godly life in an ungodly world is difficult at
best. As you read through various different suggestions that
people have of walking the Christian walk without stumbling,
it's certain that you oft times want to shake your fists and
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"
assure you, that the enemy of your soul would love for you
to surrender trying to be virtuous cuz nobody
understands the things that you go through in
your life. No, most don't know the details of why people
(other than themselves) choose to do the dishonorable things
they might do, but I know the excuses that people come up
with, and I know that the one who presents the ideas and
choices and excuses ... To you and I and every other human
being ... Is one and the same source ... The enemy of our
case you've been wondering what right I have, or who in the
world I think I am to tell others that they should strive to
be virtuous, or determine what is virtuous and what isn't,
there's only one qualification that I have ... And that is,
that I'm a servant of the Lord, called to speak to His
children, and if I can prevent just one person from doing
something that puts their soul in jeopardy, I believe it
will put a smile on my Lord's face.
all this "lead in" about anyway?
SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES HINTS
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE QUESTWell, it's cuz we're going
to be talking about a subject that most people find to be
the biggest challenge of being virtuous, and that is dealing
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman
to lust after her hath committed adultery with her
already in his heart.
always hurts so much, doesn't it? Let me remind you right
from the start that the Lord knows your heart and He didn't
die for you so that probably the number one temptation of
mankind would land your soul in Hell. Jesus knows we're ALL
tempted with lust ... And far too often.
definitely something a lot of you are thinking right now,
and you may even have a scowl on your face and the very
tiniest bit of contempt about the accusation that lust has
ever snuck up on you, cuz ... Well, even if it were true,
who would want to admit to such a thing? My friend, Nobody
is saying that experiencing lust means that you're a
monster, but if you do have lustful thoughts (and everybody
does) and you want to conquer that particular temptation
that the enemy of your soul loves to use to weaken you or
make you vulnerable to surrender to other temptations as
well, then the first thing one must do is admit to
themselves that lust is definitely something that is a
problem in today's world and you want to arm yourself with
the strength of the Holy Spirit and learn how to recognize
it and resist it rather than entertain it.
Lust is in
all of us. It's one of those things that, if you'll excuse
the analogy, like going to the bathroom, it builds up until
finally you MUST get rid of it, or you'll be in a bad
situation. When you're married ... Guess what ... One of
your RESPONSIBILITIES as a spouse, is to help your soul-mate
get rid of those feelings of lust so that both of you can be
more effective servants of the Lord.
Original Sin was born, so was lust. Let's talk about how
lust gets inside of people, and just as importantly, how to
get it out.
were a lil child, you didn't wake up one day and say ...
"Golly gee, I think I wanna learn about lust today." No ...
It didn't happen that way. You didn't go out searching ...
Lust was probably available to you within the safety of your
own home. It could have been something you saw on
television, it could have been when you thought you were
innocently spying on your parents, it could have been
overhearing a teenage sibling's telephone conversation, it
could have been a picture in a magazine ... It could have
been any one of billions of things that introduced you to
lust, and chances are you didn't have a clue what it was,
but something made you feel strange ... Not only in your
mind, but "down there."
If you were
like most children, you kept it a secret and carried on with
life suspecting that the strange feelings you were having
must be nasty, which made it even more of a secret. Now, in
this day and age, they start sex education in public school
at a surprisingly young age ... What is it, like 7? Or maybe
even younger. It's a crying shame but the incidence of sex
crimes involving children has become so prevalent in our
world today that the school system has found it necessary to
educate the children about how to defend themselves ...
Sometimes from their very own family members against
criminal sexual harm.
SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES FACTS
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE COUNSELING
That's a very important and separate
issue, and if you'd like to learn more about how some of
your fellow Christians who have been victims of such have
come to deal with it, you don't want to miss this program:
rate, with as much sex and sex talk and dirty jokes and
remarks about sex as there is on television (even in
cartoons and children's movies), plus what peers say, plus
anything else you could find out on the computer or in your
parents' magazines, plus countless other sources, it
probably wasn't long before you knew a great deal about the
feelings that you were getting "down there". What's my
point? Even children are victims of lust in our world today,
but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't do everything in our
power to protect them from it. In fact the word millstone
comes to mind right about now:
But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which
believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone
were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned
in the depth of the sea.
I know I
kinda got off track there for a moment, but sometimes an
important point has to be made and I wanted you to realize
that lust doesn't discriminate who it attacks ... The more
vulnerable you are, the more likely of a target you are.
Sadly, lust has become so commonplace that many people don't
think there's anything wrong with it. They couldn't be more
GIVE YOU SOME EXAMPLES
SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES STUDY RESEARCH
SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE DANGERS
everywhere you look, you'll find something that is either
outright blatantly or subliminally putting lustful thoughts
and ideas into your mind. You can't escape it. Let's just
talk about television for beginners. Television commercials
love to show half naked people. It sells the product. In
fact full nudity is even allowed on many stations in movies
and programs. How many television news shows have you seen
lately where cleavage or skirts twelve inches above the knee
weren't staring you straight in the face? This is a
particular favorite of the female news anchors as of late,
if you've noticed. Then there are the Viagra commercials and
the undergarment commercials and the shampoo and body wash
commercials and even the automobile and soft drink companies
are on the band wagon with their advertisements that scream
of sex. Soap operas ... Is there such a thing as a soap
opera without sex in it?
the workplace. Chances are, if you're in an office
environment, the women dress like the anchor women on the
news that we were just discussing, each competing with
another for promotions or attention or whatever. Then there
are the dirty jokes that fill the mind with ideas, and even
things like the cologne that people wear to encourage
lustful, sexual thoughts. These are things that people have
to fight off ...
While they make a living to feed and clothe and
shelter their loved ones!
just being "out and about?" What happens when you get into a
crowded elevator or in the grocery store or on the subway or
just about anyplace where there are lots of people? There's
lots of bumping into others. That is ... Bodies touching.
That can put lustful thoughts into a person's mind. How
about something as innocent as a kiss and hug from your
aunt, uncle, cousin, sister, brother, friend, neighbor, mom,
dad, grandma, grandpa? Are you getting a lil sick to your
stomach knowing what I'm getting at? Well, the TRUTH is that
the enemy wants to put weird thoughts
into your conscious and especially your SUBconscious
mind, so that they work where it's not OBVIOUS to you.
Really ... What is a hug? You put your arms around another
person and press your body against theirs ... And of course,
there's always the kiss that goes along with the hug. I'm
sure there's some Freudian and Dr. Ruth fans out there who
can't wait to say that I've got "problems" cuz I think the
lustful feelings or thoughts derived from these situations
may be harmful to a marriage,
or even just to a soul, but ... They can be!
SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES NOW
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE THERAPYMy
suggestion is that whenever you greet someone with a hug, or
a kiss and hug that you're not married to, remember these
me wrong. You are NOT abnormal or sick or
perverted or a freak cuz you get weird thoughts or feelings.
EVERYBODY DOES. If anyone tells you they don't, they're
(B) It is
in their SUBconscious mind where it
just hasn't surfaced yet.
and some "professionals" will blame it on your hormone
levels. Want the
TRUTH? God didn't plan for us to have
sexual thoughts about the loved ones in our
lives, or any other person for that matter, other than our
soul-mate. That idea was introduced by the enemy.
As I said
earlier, these feelings and thoughts are presented to you to
see if you will entertain them and take them to a more
intense level so you can be more easily enticed with more
and more and more lustful (or other kinds of) thoughts and
ideas. Look around you. You can see how many souls have been
taken captive by this crafty lure. I said a moment ago that
you are NOT abnormal for having sexual thoughts or feelings
about various things, but don't let yourself for one instant
believe that these feelings are normal either ...
What if all
Christians went about their lives believing that sin is
"normal" cuz of Original Sin? Think about it, sin is
inevitable cuz of Original Sin, but once you
begin to believe it's normal, then
your mind believes you have an excuse for doing it. Don't believe it's normal. In fact, it's not
even a question of whether it's normal or not since it's
inevitable ... It's a question of how you will deal with it.
I encourage you to reach within you and take the hand of the
Holy Spirit that resides within you to resist the excuse
that people love to use when they want to yield to
SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES FEAR
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE WARNING
That is ... Carnal.
For to be carnally minded is death; but to be
spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the
carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not
subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So
then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But
ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be
that the Spirit of God dwell in you.
next time you want to say, "I'm only human," just picture
the enemy of your soul standing off to the side with a cue
card with "I'm only human," written on it, and instead of
saying it, give him a lil, "Tsk, tsk, tsk," and
say something like, "I'm spiritually minded, I can resist
anything with the strength of the Holy Spirit within me."
another detour, didn't I?
sometimes ya have to go out of your way in order to point
out or find out something worthwhile.
I just want
to reiterate what I pointed out earlier to summarize for
You're NOT abnormal if you experience lust,
but it's not normal either ...
Sin is inevitable because of Original Sin,
but once you begin to believe it's normal,
then your mind believes you have an excuse for doing it.
Don't believe it's normal.
going to get back to identifying how lust sneaks into
peoples' lives in just a few ... But first let's get
something clear from the get go ... If something belongs to
you, you don't lust for it ... It's yours already ... It
doesn't make sense that it would be sinful to desire your
own soul-mate ... Unless that is, you're not sharing your
thoughts of desire with them, or if you're desiring them in
an abusive manner. Secondly, the 10th commandment says:
Thou shalt not covet thy
house, thou shalt not covet thy
wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his
ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy
to covet means to desire or to lust after what is not yours.
Notice that the commandment uses the word "neighbor's" three
times. So if something belongs to you already ... Then your desire to
enjoy it is honorable. Okay, back to business ...
SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES WOE
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE CONCERNEver notice
that the enemy of your soul wants you to think of lust (the
sexual kind of lust) as a good thing? And what does the
enemy use to accomplish this feat? LOVE! How repulsive when
you stop and think about it! Society has been convinced that
if they are "wanted sexually," that it means they're loved.
romanticized. It's iced like a cake
with music and glitter and fancy food and drink and
candlelight and ... Well ... Practically anything you can
think of that's appealing to the physical (human, carnal,
fleshly) senses. Let me ask you, would you eat the icing on
a cake alone, or does it lose it's appeal without the cake?
toothpaste will make your smile sexy, this car will make you
look sexy when you drive it, people will want you sexually
if you wear these clothes, exercise until your muscles look
like rocks and you'll be sexier than the next person, bumper
stickers brag about different professions that "do it
better," get on this diet and you'll be the sexiest, wear
these shoes, drink this beverage, use this make up, this
lotion, this razor ...
Buy our car insurance, it's sexier than
crying out loud ... No really. I'm not kidding.
sex, sex, sex.
music ... It's absolutely filled with sexual innuendo.
Books? Is there a novelist who can make it to the
bestseller's list if there isn't a steamy sex plot in their
story? Then there are magazines that not only encourage in
just about every article they write, how to be more sexy,
but actually TEACH people how to cheat on their spouse. And
of course porn movies and magazines and the internet are
bombarded with sex of all kinds. I could confidently
challenge the average person that they couldn't get through
one hour of a normal day without lust showing it's face at
least several times (and I think I'm grossly
underestimating). So, lil by lil, day by day, your conscious
mind AND your SUBconscious mind are fed
bits and pieces of lust.
you MUST ...
you're getting the idea of how lust gets IN ... But how do
you get it out? Somehow, as eager as society is to openly
share all of this lust with us, the enemy of our soul
CONvinces us that the last person we should share it with is our
soul-mate. Embarrassment ... That's probably one of the
prominent reasons that has been planted in your mind to keep
it all a secret. You'd be too embarrassed to admit that
something you saw or heard got you excited. Another whisper
you might hear is that your soul-mate might think less of
called the enemy of your soul for nothin' ...
He is very crafty and shame is a mighty emotion that
seems to be a good weapon for him. He will suggest it.
the longer you keep it in, the less control you have to deal
with it effectively and the more likely you are to do
something ... Stupid.
Did I say
I meant was ... Unintelligent. Sorry 'bout that frankness,
but it's just ... True. Think about the bathroom again. The
longer you hold it in ... Well, you get the idea.
probably heard that in the beginning (of time), sex was
intended solely for the conception of children. There are
some things in the Bible that also suggest that between
soul-mates it helps a person maintain control of themselves.
1 Corinthians 7:4-5
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the
husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his
own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except
it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves
to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan
tempt you not for your incontinence.
SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES FEARS
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE TEARS
There are several different things to
note about this scripture.
hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and
likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body,
but the wife.
What does this mean? The husband rules
the wife's body and vice versa. This suggests that these
two best be communicating well for one thing. Could it
also mean that each partner is RESPONSIBLE for the other
being sexually satisfied? Truthfully, the word
"responsible" doesn't seem applicable when talking about
such an intimate subject. After all, if you're married to
your true soul-mate and God has brought you together, then
it is your pleasure to pleasure your mate. To go a step further, are we to infer that this
verse means to abstain from masturbation? GASP! Who
said that? You let that question simmer in
your mind for a while and we'll be talking about that a lil more in just a moment, but first, another thing I'd
like you to note about the scripture is this:
ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a
time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer;
and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your
Let me help you understand this a lil
more clearly. Don't deprive each other (of sex or anything
else that should be mutually satisfying in a marriage),
unless you both agree ...
a time ...
how long does that mean?
The rest of
the sentence explains ...
for fasting and prayer, and then unite again (sexually, or
any other pleasure) so the enemy doesn't tempt you cuz of
incontinence (lack of control).
You may be
confused still ... How long is "a
did they fast and pray back in Paul's time? How long can
you fast? Or rather, perhaps the
question is, how long do you fast?
(Incidentally, fasting and prayer satisfy the soul, sex
satisfies the flesh.)
Now, you can
go and research how long they fasted in the Bible, but I can
save you some time and name a few instances. Many fasting
periods were one day. There's an
incident when king Saul died where some of his men fasted
for a week, and Moses and Jesus both fasted for 40 days and
about you ... Now ... Today? Does this mean you
should have sex every day cuz you don't fast and
pray every day? No. It means don't deprive one another, unless you've agreed to fast and pray. Since
the Gentile laws of the New Testament don't designate an
amount of "time" to fast and pray, we might assume that this
"time" is when you're serving the Lord. If you have no
specific "time" appointed to "fast and pray," then freely
fulfill your soul-mate's pleasure whenever they want and/or need to be satisfied, and ...
1 Corinthians 7:3
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence:
and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
SELF "CONTROL PANEL"
Think of your habits as your control panel.
GAIN SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE INSTRUCTIONSUmmm, How
do I recognize when I'm losing control?
That may be
a question that you've never asked yourself cuz our world
today accepts the "out of control" behavior of people as
normal, explaining it away with any kind of excuse that
society will "buy." PMS is one good example. Menopause is
another. I'm sure there are people who even blame their lack
of control behavior on their horoscope ... Their stars
aren't aligned properly or their biorhythms are out of whack
or some other such nonsense. No really.
really want the TRUTH, you can put this theory to the test.
been longer than "a time"
since you and your soul-mate have "come
together" see if you don't show signs of "incontinency"
(lack of self control).
the signs? There are probably many things that are tell tale
signs that you need to get the bad out.
habits MAY change:
eat more than usual, or not as much as usual.
You may sleep more than usual, or not as much as usual.
You may become forgetful.
You may become lax about your responsibilities.
Your demeanor MIGHT change:
You may get offensive ... Or defensive.
You might get emotional and weepy.
You may get crabby or mean.
You may start to nag.
self control WILL change:
find it hard to focus on things cuz your mind (SUBconsciously)
as well as your flesh are preoccupied with desire (lust).
You may feel like you want or need to masturbate.
was that? Did I say masturbate again? Yes, I did. I
mentioned earlier that we'd be getting to this subject, and
here we are. We'd better talk about it a lil cuz it's an
important issue that a lot of people joke about and think
should be of public record. Society makes no bones about
discussing sex openly (except with their own soul-mates of
course), and masturbation has become common practice. So, I
bet you want to know if it's okay, right?
Let me ask you a few questions.
all, I may be repetitious, but understand that the reason
you want to or feel the need to masturbate is cuz of all the
lust that gets inside of you and your spirit wants to get
rid of it so you can serve the Lord better. How do you get
rid of it? There's just one answer ... Satisfy the desire.
You know the evacuating feeling you feel when you release
your lust, like you want to yell or growl or groan ...
That's the lust ... And it gets comfortable inside and
doesn't want to come out. So when you take control and
decide to evict it, either ...
rascal lust wants it to be known that it's not happy about
getting booted out,
just feels so good to get rid of it, that you cry out in
this for a moment ... But this is just an analogy now ... Have you ever seen a movie on TV when a spirit comes
out of a person and weird things come out of them, or in the
Bible, have you read in lots of places, especially in the
Gospels, where a spirit will "tear" a person when it is cast
ticked off! It's trying to get the last word on it's way
IS THE SPIRIT OF LUST ... A GHOUL?
Let me make something clear. When we speak of the spirit of lust, that
doesn't mean that if you have lustful thoughts that you're
possessed by a demon. There are many different kinds of
"spirits" and some actually do get inside of people, like
those we just talked about from the Gospels. But there are
also other kinds of spirits like the spirit of jealousy or
the spirit of heaviness (despair or depression) or the
spirit of fear ... These are not possessive of the physical
body (though they can be many times), but they are spiritual
NOT TONIGHT HONEY, I HAVE A HEADACHE
another thing to think about ... The spirit of lust inside
is probably the reason that you might come up with excuses
not to have sex with your soul-mate often.
it doesn't want to
leave! During the time that the spirit of lust is
"visiting," the enemy of your soul knows that your own
spirit is more vulnerable to do his bidding. If you evict
the lust, then the enemy has to go find another victim to
SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES GIFT
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE GUIDEOne trap
that many couples fall into is neglecting their sexual
relationship when they have children. Don't let this happen.
The enemy will coach you with excuses; you're too tired,
you'll wake the baby, there's no time, etc. Make it a
priority. It's very important. You would stay up later than
usual to wash the baby's linens that didn't get done and not
bat an eye. You're not too tired, you
won't wake the baby, and there is time. You're just being deceived by the enemy
of your soul and so many people have accepted his coaching
as commonplace that they think it's normal.
see if we're on the same page here. Get the bad out often.
Evict often. Evacuate often.
joking with you. When you keep close to your soul-mate
sexually, you tend to focus on love and family and baking
cookies and playing Scrabble cuz you both know it's you
(both) against the world and you naturally want to stay
close and do honorable moral things and live a wholesome
you drift apart sexually, then the spirit of lust weakens
your self control and the enemy of your soul CONvinces you
to seek pleasure by doing things that aren't very virtuous.
If you're a woman, instead of baking cookies, you want to go
out with the girls and have a drink, or watch a dirty movie
on TV when nobody's home or put on something provocative and
go somewhere so that you'll get some attention and feel
"wanted" ... A man gets the same urges too, to accommodate
the lust that is conning him.
BUT ALL EITHER ONE OF YOU SHOULD HAVE TO DO IS SAY ...
could be taking care of business and getting the bad out and
serving the Lord again right afterward.
You can be
honest with me here ... When you do that drifting apart
stuff, you feel guilty, then you shy away from God cuz you
know He knows, and you think He's mad and you're not worthy
and on and on and on. What a tangled web we weave.
we talking about?
detours here today ...
that the reason a person wants to masturbate is to get the
bad out, via sexual satisfaction. And is it okay?
alternative? Are you going to refrain from it, but feel like
a sex maniac cuz you can't rid yourself of the bad inside?
That doesn't sound good.
I have an
answer for you ...
MARRIAGE BED IS UNDEFILED!
is honourable in
and the bed
but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Time for a
means to corrupt the purity or perfection of something ...
To make filthy or dirty.
MARRIAGE BED IS
SEXUAL SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE OVER LUSTWhat you do there between you and your soul-mate is NOT
corrupt, filthy or dirty
(or anybody else's business, may I add),
honorable in ALL.
if you agree on something (as long as you don't involve
anyone else) it is not deemed as wrong.
Share masturbation with your soul-mate if it is one of your
desires or fantasies ...
each other about it.
only does lust affect your sexuality between you and your
soul-mate, but as I said, keeping it in will also make you
irritable and contrary and just down right (I'll be kind) not yourself.
I must add
a lil something special here. Don't ever let the enemy
you that cuz of his temptation or your weakness, or both,
that you have any justification for doing anything
1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is
common to man: but God is faithful, who will not
suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but
will with the temptation also make a way to escape,
that ye may be able to bear it.
So, all the people that you hear of these days, committing sexual
immorality, made a choice
not to take
God's escape route from the temptation. It's not that He's
not there when people need Him, it's that they fail to reach
for His hand.
we may be understanding of all that logic,
are still encaged in human flesh,
carries the Original Sin "gene," which makes us vulnerable
to change our countenance when the spirit of lust comes a
EXCUSE ME, YOUR LUST IS SHOWING
that NEVER bothered you before, are so irritating when lust
is present, that you make no bones about nagging about them.
(Let me remind you, this is a two way street. If your
soul-mate is holding in lust, they are probably guilty of
all the above as well. We're not here to point fingers
though, we're here to shed light on a topic that most are
afraid to address.) So, let's see ... Ask yourself some of
Does it bug
me when a towel is left on the bathroom floor now, when I
used to smile when I would pick it up just cuz I got to do
something nice for him/her?
snoring bother me when it used to be like a lullaby?
Do I keep a
tally of who does more for whom, when it used to be that I
felt I couldn't do enough for him/her no matter how hard I
Am I quick
to criticize things he/she says or does when before I was
simply sure he/she hung the moon and could do no wrong?
bother me just to hear him/her chew?
SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES ON SIN
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE OVER LURESAll righty
... You get the point. What do you think brings about these
changes in married folks? Why are people losing that "lovin'
feelin'?" Is it the aging process ... As we get older, do we
naturally get less patient with one another? (There's that
"I'm only human" thing again.) I could ask you dozens more
questions, is it this, and is it that, but if you take a
good look at any happily married
couples that you might know, you'll probably sense that they
have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Now you may
think that's kind of ... Shallow ... To base the success of
a relationship on sex, but it is a
major part of marriage, whether you want to admit it or not.
When it starts to wane, so does the relationship. Of course
I'm talking about the vast majority. I'm certain there are
marriages that are "made in heaven" in every
way, but they're extraordinary. And then there are people
who stay married for decades until they die, all the while
miserable as could be ... But together until
death ... Out of obligation. Does that sound like God's
plan? Would you call that successful? How could things have
been different? What can married couples do that are finding
themselves in that kind of predicament?
certain that you've heard multi-thousands of times in the
past several decades, the suggestion to COMMUNICATE with
your mate. Back in the 60's that was the answer to
Communication IS the answer. It's just that, nobody ever
explained exactly HOW to communicate. They've
given plenty of worldly views but has anyone touched your
situation? Would you be here seeking an answer if they did?
gently warn you in advance, we may get a lil wordy here in
order to illustrate some things effectively.
Let me give
you a scenario ...
comes home from work after a "normal" day of lustful
temptations of the world to his wife, who has spent her day
being filled with lustful temptations of the world watching
television most of the day and a trip to the grocery store.
At bedtime, the wife puts on a sexy nightie and the husband
cuddles up to her and expresses that he's "in the mood." The
wife confesses that she is too, and they have sex like they
normally do ... When they do.
is thinking about the girl or the advertisement or the
comment that excited him earlier in the day, while he's
making love to his wife, and the wife is thinking about the
scene she saw on television or read about in the magazine
she saw in the grocery store or the teenagers she saw
necking in the parking lot as she makes love to her husband.
Each are trying to satisfy the other, but ...
each ALONE with their own thoughts, NOT sharing, NOT
this. Communication means NO HOLDS BARRED. Don't hold anything back. What do you think is going to
happen if your soul-mate can't get what he/she wants at
home? It may take only take a few weeks, or it may take a
month, or it may take a year, or it may take a few years,
but eventually, thy are going to want to satisfy their
sexual needs, urges and fantasies. Now, you may have married
an honorable Christian man or woman who would never dream of
physically cheating on you, but if they are having sex with
you physically in bed, but with someone else in their mind
... Is this unity? Likewise, you may portray yourself to be
true blue Sue or Lou, but your sexual needs, urges and
fantasies are being neglected as well. But who's to blame?
In this scenario ... Both. Cuz neither partner is completely sharing, trusting, communicating.
to each other ... REALLY communicate. Agree to share
all your thoughts, your feelings, your
desires, your fantasies. If one is going to share and the
other one isn't, things won't work out well. If you're
scared or embarrassed to open up your heart and your
thoughts to your soul-mate, things won't work out well.
(Wait, wasn't that the thing that made you soul-mates to
begin with ... The fact that you could share all
your intimate thoughts with one another? What happened?)
I hope you
will open your heart when you consider this cuz it can help
you both a lot. Be careful that the spirit of jealousy
doesn't prevent either of you from sharing with one another.
You and your soul-mate chose to spend your lives together
cuz you are one. They can't help it any more than you can
that the spirit of lust tempts them with thoughts.
MARRIAGE BED IS UNDEFILED!
is honourable in
and the bed
but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
OWN SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE STEPS
Don't be afraid to enjoy sex with one
another. If you don't enjoy it, you're defeating the
purpose. If you're all up tight and can't relax and let
your hair down and feel free to express your desires and
enjoy them when your soul-mate freely gives them to you,
then nothing is being exposed. Nothing is coming to the
light. It will stay inside and grow until you get it out
how we used the analogy of getting the bad out compared to
going to the bathroom?
FORGET TO FLUSH!
What do I
mean by that? After you both get the bad out of each
other, don't forget to discuss what the consequences would
be if each actually lived out the fantasy.
how you would hate yourselves, how it could affect other
loved ones in your lives including children, how someone
could possibly end up pregnant or in jail, etc. You can be
sure the enemy of your soul does not like the light of TRUTH
to shine on the reality of things.
before it's out. You'll ruin it. You're supposed to enjoy
yourselves and each other and use each
other. If you don't, it will make you feel inhibited and you
won't get the stuff that's in your mind out. Do your
business first, then flush.
very important thing to consider is that if you release your
lust first ... The actual culminating of your getting the
bad out (not just the admitting of it) ... You won't feel
like you're finished until your soul-mate is. That's just
the way it is with real love. They are more important than
you, if it's all working properly. That doesn't mean it's a
contest of who can hold off the longest ... You'll be
defeating the purpose if you go that route. Just be
sensitive to each other ... It's really that simple.
IS SEX AND LOVE THE SAME THING?
What I mean
to ask is, do you believe that sex is the ultimate
expression of love? Some folks may believe that, but I've
never read anything like that in the Bible.
For all you
romantics that read this, I mean not to burst your bubble. I
know you love the candlelight dinner and soft music and dim
lights and slow dancing and satin sheets and pretty nighties
and you associate that with love. Maybe I'm just stubborn,
but they didn't have any of that (except maybe dim lights)
back in ancient times ... And people had sex back then too!
Love is a
strong emotion. IF you're an extremely
rare couple, who aren't affected by the lust of the world
pouring into your mind every hour of every day, and you have
a sex life that is mutually satisfying where you both
believe it's an expression of your love for one another, and
all of your fantasies and needs and urges are met through
that, then folks, more power to ya (You're probably not
reading this right now if that describes you.
But let's talk about those who find that the spirit of lust gets inside of you,
and getting rid of it carries quite a different definition
than love (though the candle makers and love song artists
and satin sheet manufacturers would
love for you to believe sex is all about love).
majority, AFTER having sex and releasing the lust inside,
THEN love comes billowing out and you
can express tender love through cuddling with one another,
or cooking a meal and eating together, etc. No offense to
anyone, but if you ponder on it all very carefully you can
see that the kind of love that is associated with sex is
quite different from taking care of one another when illness
strikes, or appreciating the other's conversation and
company. Sex is something that is also
enjoyed between them, but is not used only to express love
... Rather to release the lust inside so that the TRUE love can abide and grow stronger every
to say that you should never have romantic loving sex with
one another. Just be careful that when the bad comes out,
the love doesn't leave with it. The old saying comes to mind
... Don't throw out the baby with the bath water. If you're
going to have that kind of sex, make sure you both agree
that you're not going to be secretly thinking of a different
fantasy. If something else sneaks into your mind while
you're "making love" ... By all means expose it to your
soul-mate right away, switch gears and get that bad out.
Reschedule your romantic "love making" for another
SUM IT ALL UP
The marriage bed is UNDEFILED!
is honourable in
and the bed
but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
YOUR SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE MANUALThings done in the marriage bed are between a man and his
wife and are NOT judged. It goes on to say ... BUT
whoremongers (people that have sex with anyone such as
prostitution ... Even without pay) and adulterers (people
that have sex with someone else's spouse) are in trouble.
So if you're married, you should
never find yourself caught up in physically releasing your lust
outside of the marriage as it should not be needed. You
should be able to please each other and help each other
remove the lust.
BUT ... It happens.
Many married couples stop having sex or effective sex.
This can cause problems and "Satan tempts" one or both ...
They find themselves getting caught up in everything from
adultery to on-line cyber-sex trying to fill the void
Cuz of lack of communication between the
two souls that are supposed to be ONE. This causes them to
be unable to discuss private matters such as lustful
thoughts. This causes them to need to release these thoughts
and feelings ... SOMEWHERE.
If you're married ... Do NOT allow the
division to occur and your sex life to become boring, bland,
distant or ineffective. Share your thoughts with your
soul-mate. Let them know what's in your mind and on your
1 Corinthians 7:5-7
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with
consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to
fasting and prayer;
and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for
(lack of control of your body).
In other words ... If you're married, you
need to "come together" often as to
avoid allowing the lust within to cause you to sin
and Satan get a foothold in your life.
FILLING THE VOID
Once all of this clicks and you get a good
handle on dealing with the lust that the enemy presents to
you every day, you may find that you feel ... Sort of empty.
That's because when you get the bad out ... There IS a void.
Replace the bad with GOOD! Try love ... That seems to be the
best void filler there is.
Oh, and just because you've learned how to
recognize and deal with lust more effectively, that doesn't
mean that it's going to magically disappear. Oh no my dear
friend, in fact the enemy of our souls WILL turn up the heat
when he sees that he's losing his grasp on you. It's just a
fact of Christianity. It's not something to be afraid of,
it's something to be prepared for. Beef up your armor. Be
alert. Stand firm. Fight the good fight.
BUT WHAT ABOUT MY PAST?
If you have been, or are caught up in the
web of lust do NOT think you're unworthy of Grace. Never
allow anyone to tell you that you're sentenced to Hell cuz
you fell victim to lust.
Many Christians like to say that only evil souls do these things.
Don't be deceived. Even a soul that God called the Apple of
His eye, fell victim to the plague of the mind and heart. He
is still deemed as God's favorite King.
2 Samuel, Chapter 11
David saw a married
woman that he wanted, so he had sex with her and she
became pregnant with David's child. David saw to it
that her husband was killed so what David did would
not be discovered. But, God sees all and David was
punished as the child born to David and this woman was
killed. David repented and was forgiven.
SELF CONTROL BIBLE STUDY ON SELF CONTROL BIBLE VERSES END
BIBLICAL SELF CONTROL IN THE BIBLE SUMMARYAllow me to sum it all up for you ... King David is a PERFECT example that sexual sin can overwhelm us and we
can be overcome by it. BUT we can repent and be forgiven and
the result is a CLEAN slate. This is proven by King David
and that same woman being the parents of Solomon which is a
child within the bloodline to Jesus.
Be sure to share this study with your
soul-mate. It's so very important that they understand as
remember that Prayer is the NUMBER ONE way to remove
anything that you cannot overcome as all things are possible
through Christ. He knows your heart!
GOD'S GRACE IS SO AWESOME, IS IT NOT?
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