Self Control Bible Study

Biblical Self Control

Christianity Oasis Ministry provides this Self Control Bible study looking into Self Control Bible verses to obtain Biblical Self Control in the Bible tips bringing forth truth, understanding and peace.

Welcome to our Christianity Oasis Christian Walk Bible study program. This is our thought provoking and extremely intriguing Self Control Bible study taking an in depth look into the excellent Biblical Self Control Bible verses and sharing Self Control in the Bible advice. The absolutely awesome message within the Self Control Bible study on Biblical Self Control will bring a smile to the lips and heart while enhancing your YOU-nique Christian walk.

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Biblical Self Control in the Bible

How to Obtain and Maintain Self Control

It's time for a little heart to heart talk, dear friends. Striving to be scrupulous about your virtue is such an honorable endeavor, and believe me, I understand, that living a godly life in an ungodly world is difficult at best. As you read through various different suggestions that people have of walking the Christian walk without stumbling, it's certain that you oft times want to shake your fists and cry ...

"But ... You don't understand!"

And I assure you, that the enemy of your soul would love for you to surrender trying to be virtuous because nobody understands the things that you go through in your life. No, most don't know the details of why people (other than themselves) choose to do the dishonorable things they might do, but I know the excuses that people come up with, and I know that the one who presents the ideas and choices and excuses. To you and I and every other human being ... Is one and the same source which is the enemy of our soul.

Just in case you've been wondering what right I have, or who in the world I think I am to tell others that they should strive to be virtuous, or determine what is virtuous and what isn't, there's only one qualification that I have ... And that is, that I'm a servant of the Lord, called to speak to His children, and if I can prevent just one person from doing something that puts their soul in jeopardy, I believe it will put a smile on my Lord's face.

So, what's all this "lead in" about anyway?

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Well, it's because we're going to be talking about a subject that most people find to be the biggest challenge of being virtuous, and that is dealing with lust.

Matthew 5:28

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.


That one always hurts so much, doesn't it? Let me remind you right from the start that the Lord knows your heart and He didn't die for you so that probably the number one temptation of mankind would land your soul in Hell. Jesus knows we're all tempted with lust and far too often.

Who Me? Is definitely something a lot of you are thinking right now, and you may even have a scowl on your face and the very tiniest bit of contempt about the accusation that lust has ever snuck up on you, because ... Well, even if it were true, who would want to admit to such a thing?

My friend, Nobody is saying that experiencing lust means that you're a monster, but if you do have lustful thoughts (and everybody does) and you want to conquer that particular temptation that the enemy of your soul loves to use to weaken you or make you vulnerable to surrender to other temptations as well, then the first thing one must do is admit to themselves that lust is definitely something that is a problem in today's world and you want to arm yourself with the strength of the Holy Spirit and learn how to recognize it and resist it rather than entertain it.

With that in mind, let us begin our Self Control Bible study trek for truth ... Lust is in all of us. It's one of those things that, if you'll excuse the analogy, like going to the bathroom, it builds up until finally you must get rid of it, or you will be in a bad situation. When you are married, guess what? One of your responsibilities as a spouse, is to help your soul-mate get rid of those feelings of lust so that both of you can be more effective servants of the Lord.

When Original Sin was born, so was lust. Let's talk about how lust gets inside of people, and just as importantly, how to get it out.

It's Everywhere

When you were a little child, you didn't wake up one day and say ... "Golly gee, I think I wanna learn about lust today." No, it did not happen that way. You didn't go out searching for it. Lust was probably available to you within the safety of your own home. It could have been something you saw on television, it could have been when you thought you were innocently spying on your parents, it could have been overhearing a teenage sibling's telephone conversation, it could have been a picture in a magazine. It could have been any one of billions of things that introduced you to lust, and chances are you didn't have a clue what it was, but something made you feel strange. Not only in your mind, but "down there."

If you were like most children, you kept it a secret and carried on with life suspecting that the strange feelings you were having must be nasty, which made it even more of a secret. Now, in this day and age, they start sex education in public school at a surprisingly young age ... What is it, like 7? Or maybe even younger. It's a crying shame but the incidence of sex crimes involving children has become so prevalent in our world today that the school system has found it necessary to educate the children about how to defend themselves ... Sometimes from their very own family members against criminal sexual harm.

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That's a very important and separate issue, and if you'd like to learn more about how some of your fellow Christians who have been victims of such have come to deal with it, you don't want to miss this program:

At any rate, with as much sex and sex talk and dirty jokes and remarks about sex as there is on television (even in cartoons and children's movies), plus what peers say, plus anything else you could find out on the computer or in your parents' magazines, plus countless other sources, it probably wasn't long before you knew a great deal about the feelings that you were getting "down there." What's my point? Even children are victims of lust in our world today, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't do everything in our power to protect them from it. In fact the word millstone comes to mind right about now:

Matthew 18:6

But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

I know I kinda got off track there for a moment, but sometimes an important point has to be made and I wanted you to realize that lust doesn't discriminate who it attacks ... The more vulnerable you are, the more likely of a target you are. Sadly, lust has become so commonplace that many people don't think there's anything wrong with it. They couldn't be more wrong.

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Let me give you some examples:

Practically everywhere you look, you'll find something that is either outright blatantly or subliminally putting lustful thoughts and ideas into your mind. You can't escape it. Let's just talk about television for beginners. Television commercials love to show half naked people. It sells the product. In fact full nudity is even allowed on many stations in movies and programs. How many television news shows have you seen lately where cleavage or skirts twelve inches above the knee weren't staring you straight in the face? This is a particular favorite of the female news anchors as of late, if you've noticed. Then there are the Viagra commercials and the undergarment commercials and the shampoo and body wash commercials and even the automobile and soft drink companies are on the band wagon with their advertisements that scream of sex. Soap operas ... Is there such a thing as a soap opera without sex in it?

Now, take the workplace. Chances are, if you're in an office environment, the women dress like the anchor women on the news that we were just discussing, each competing with another for promotions or attention or whatever. Then there are the dirty jokes that fill the mind with ideas, and even things like the cologne that people wear to encourage lustful, sexual thoughts. These are things that people have to fight off ...

While they make a living to feed and clothe and shelter their loved ones!

What about just being "out and about?" What happens when you get into a crowded elevator or in the grocery store or on the subway or just about anyplace where there are lots of people? There's lots of bumping into others. That is ... Bodies touching. That can put lustful thoughts into a person's mind. How about something as innocent as a kiss and hug from your aunt, uncle, cousin, sister, brother, friend, neighbor, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa? Are you getting a little sick to your stomach knowing what I'm getting at?

Well, the Truth is that the enemy wants to put weird thoughts into your conscious and especially your subconscious mind, so that they work where it's not obvious to you. Really ... What is a hug? You put your arms around another person and press your body against theirs ... And of course, there's always the kiss that goes along with the hug. I'm sure there's some Freudian and Dr. Ruth fans out there who can't wait to say that I've got "problems" because I think the lustful feelings or thoughts derived from these situations may be harmful to a marriage, or even just to a soul but, they can be!

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My suggestion is that whenever you greet someone with a hug, or a kiss and hug that you're not married to, remember these few scriptures, and thank you St. Paul for the reminder:

1 Corinthians 16:20

Greet ye one another with an holy kiss.

2 Corinthians 13:12

Greet one another with an holy kiss.

1 Thessalonians 5:26

Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss.

1 Peter 5:14

Greet ye one another with a kiss of charity.

Don't get me wrong. You are not abnormal or sick or perverted or a freak because you get weird thoughts or feelings. Everybody does. If anyone tells you they don't, they're either:

  1. Lying ... or
  2. It is in their subconscious mind where it just hasn't surfaced yet.

Oh, yeah, and some "professionals" will blame it on your hormone levels. Want the Truth? God didn't plan for us to have sexual thoughts about the loved ones in our lives, or any other person for that matter, other than our soul-mate. That idea was introduced by the enemy.

As I said earlier, these feelings and thoughts are presented to you to see if you will entertain them and take them to a more intense level so you can be more easily enticed with more and more and more lustful (or other kinds of) thoughts and ideas. Look around you. You can see how many souls have been taken captive by this crafty lure. I said a moment ago that you are not abnormal for having sexual thoughts or feelings about various things, but don't let yourself for one instant believe that these feelings are normal either ...

Confused Yet?

What if all Christians went about their lives believing that sin is "normal" because of Original Sin? Think about it, sin is inevitable because of Original Sin, but once you begin to believe it's normal, then your mind believes you have an excuse for doing it.

Don't believe it's normal. In fact, it's not even a question of whether it's normal or not since it's inevitable ... It's a question of how you will deal with it. I encourage you to reach within you and take the hand of the Holy Spirit that resides within you to resist the excuse that people love to use when they want to yield to temptation ...

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"I'm Only Human"

Human ... That is ... Carnal. Paul explained:

Romans 8:6-9

6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.
7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.
8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.
9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.

So, the next time you want to say, "I'm only human," just picture the enemy of your soul standing off to the side with a cue card with "I'm only human," written on it, and instead of saying it, give him a little, "Tsk, tsk, tsk," and say something like, "I'm Spiritually minded, I can resist anything with the strength of the Holy Spirit within me."

Took another detour, didn't I?

Ah, well, sometimes ya have to go out of your way in order to point out or find out something worthwhile.

I just want to reiterate what I pointed out earlier to summarize for you:

You're not abnormal if you experience lust, but it's not normal either. Sin is inevitable because of Original Sin, but once you begin to believe it's normal, then your mind believes you have an excuse for doing it. Don't believe it's normal.

Okay, we're going to get back to identifying how lust sneaks into peoples' lives in just a few ... But first let's get something clear from the get go ... If something belongs to you, you don't lust for it ... It's yours already ... It doesn't make sense that it would be sinful to desire your own soul-mate ... Unless that is, you're not sharing your thoughts of desire with them, or if you're desiring them in an abusive manner. Secondly, the 10th commandment says:

Exodus 20:17

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's.

In short, to covet means to desire or to lust after what is not yours. Notice that the commandment uses the word "neighbor's" three times. So if something belongs to you already ... Then your desire to enjoy it is honorable (unless it is an idol or something untoward of course). Okay, back to business ...

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Lust is Not Love

Ever notice that the enemy of your soul wants you to think of lust (the sexual kind of lust) as a good thing? And what does the enemy use to accomplish this feat? Love! How repulsive when you stop and think about it! Society has been convinced that if they are "wanted sexually," that it means they're loved. Not so.

Lust is romanticized. It is iced like a cake with music and glitter and fancy food and drink and candlelight and ... Well ... Practically anything you can think of that's appealing to the physical (human, carnal, fleshly) senses. Let me ask you, would you eat the icing for a cake alone, or does it lose it's appeal without the cake?

This toothpaste will make your smile sexy, this car will make you look sexy when you drive it, people will want you sexually if you wear these clothes, exercise until your muscles look like rocks and you'll be sexier than the next person, bumper stickers brag about different professions that "do it better," get on this diet and you'll be the sexiest, wear these shoes, drink this beverage, use this make up, this lotion, this razor ...

Buy our car insurance, it's sexier than theirs!

Oh, for crying out loud ... No really. Not kidding.

Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.

What about music ... It's absolutely filled with sexual innuendo. Books? Is there a novelist who can make it to the bestseller's list if there isn't a steamy sex plot in their story? Then there are magazines that not only encourage in just about every article they write, how to be more sexy, but actually teach people how to cheat on their spouse. And of course porn movies and magazines and the internet are bombarded with sex of all kinds.

I could confidently challenge the average person that they could not get through one hour of a normal day without lust showing it's face at least several times (and I think I'm grossly underestimating). So, little by little, day by day, your conscious mind and your subconscious mind are fed bits and pieces of lust. Eventually, you must ... Get the Bad Out!

Okay, now you are getting the idea of how lust gets in. But, how do you get it out? Somehow, as eager as society is to openly share all of this lust with us, the enemy of our soul convinces us that the last person we should share it with is our soul-mate. Embarrassment. That's probably one of the prominent reasons that has been planted in your mind to keep it all a secret. You'd be too embarrassed to admit that something you saw or heard got you excited. Another whisper you might hear is that your soul-mate might think less of you.

He's not called the enemy of your soul for nothing. He is very crafty and shame is a mighty emotion that seems to be a good weapon for him. He will suggest it. You see, the longer you keep it in, the less control you have to deal with it effectively and the more likely you are to do something stupid.

Stupid? Did I say that? Uhhhhhhh, what I meant was, unintelligent. Sorry about that frankness, but it's just so true. Think about the bathroom again. The longer you hold it in ... Well, you get the idea.

Self Control ... You have probably heard that in the beginning (of time), sex was intended solely for the conception of children. There are some things in the Bible that also suggest that between soul-mates it helps a person maintain control of themselves.

1 Corinthians 7:4-5

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence.

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There are several different things to note about this scripture.

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

What does this mean? The husband rules the wife's body and vice versa. This suggests that these two best be communicating well for one thing. Could it also mean that each partner is responsible for the other being sexually satisfied? Truthfully, the word "responsible" doesn't seem applicable when talking about such an intimate subject. After all, if you're married to your true soul-mate and God has brought you together, then it is your pleasure to pleasure your mate. To go a step further, are we to infer that this verse means to abstain from masturbation? Gasp! Who said that? You let that question simmer in your mind for a while and we'll be talking about that a little more in just a moment, but first, another thing I'd like you to note about the scripture is this:

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence.

Let me help you understand this a little more clearly. Don't deprive each other (of sex or anything else that should be mutually satisfying in a marriage), unless you both agree for a time.

Well, how long does that mean? The rest of the sentence explains. Long enough for fasting and prayer, and then unite again (sexually, or any other pleasure) so the enemy doesn't tempt you because of incontinence (lack of control). You may still be confused. How long is "a time?"

How long did they fast and pray back in Paul's time? How long can you fast? Or rather, perhaps the question is, how long do you fast? (Incidentally, fasting and prayer satisfy the soul, sex satisfies the flesh.)

Now, you can go and research how long they fasted in the Bible, but I can save you some time and name a few instances. Many fasting periods were one day. There's an incident when king Saul died where some of his men fasted for a week, and Moses and Jesus both fasted for 40 days and 40 nights.

But, what about you today? Does this mean you should have sex every day because you do not fast and pray every day? No, it means don't deprive one another, unless you've agreed to fast and pray. Since the Gentile laws of the New Testament don't designate an amount of "time" to fast and pray, we might assume that this "time" is when you're serving the Lord. If you have no specific "time" appointed to "fast and pray," then freely fulfill your soul-mate's pleasure whenever they want and/or need to be satisfied and vice versa.

1 Corinthians 7:3

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

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Your Self "Control Panel"

Think of your habits as your control panel.

Ummm, How do I recognize when I'm losing control?

That may be a question that you've never asked yourself because our world today accepts the "out of control" behavior of people as normal, explaining it away with any kind of excuse that society will "buy." PMS is one good example. Menopause is another. I'm sure there are people who even blame their lack of control behavior on their horoscope ... Their stars aren't aligned properly or their biorhythms are out of whack or some other such nonsense. No really.

If you really want the Truth, you can put this theory to the test. If it's been longer than "a time" since you and your soul-mate have "come together" see if you don't show signs of "incontinency" (lack of self control). What are the signs? There are probably many things that are tell tale signs that you need to get the bad out.

Your habits may change:

You might eat more than usual, or not as much as usual.
You may sleep more than usual, or not as much as usual.
You may become forgetful.
You may become lax about your responsibilities.

Your demeanor might change:

You may get offensive ... Or defensive.
You might get emotional and weepy.
You may get crabby or mean.
You may start to nag.

Your self control will change:

You may find it hard to focus on things because your mind (subconsciously) as well as your flesh are preoccupied with desire (lust).
You may feel like you want or need to masturbate.

Uhhhhhhh, what was that? Did I say masturbate, again? Yes, I did. I mentioned earlier that we'd be getting to this subject, and here we are. We'd better talk about it a little because it's an important issue that a lot of people joke about and think should be of public record. Society makes no bones about discussing sex openly (except with their own soul-mates of course), and masturbation has become common practice. So, I bet you want to know if it's okay, right?

Let me ask you a few questions.

First of all, I may be repetitious, but understand that the reason you want to or feel the need to masturbate is because of all the lust that gets inside of you and your spirit wants to get rid of it so you can serve the Lord better. How do you get rid of it? There's just one answer ... Satisfy the desire. You know the evacuating feeling you feel when you release your lust, like you want to yell or growl or groan ... That's the lust ... And it gets comfortable inside and doesn't want to come out. So when you take control and decide to evict it, either ...

  1. That rascal lust wants it to be known that it's not happy about getting booted out, or
  2. It just feels so good to get rid of it, that you cry out in relief.

Think of this for a moment ... But this is just an analogy now ... Have you ever seen a movie on TV when a spirit comes out of a person and weird things come out of them, or in the Bible, have you read in lots of places, especially in the Gospels, where an evil spirit will "tear" a person when it is cast out?

Because it's ticked off! It's determined to get the last word on its way out.

Is the Spirit of Lust ... A Ghoul?

Let me make something clear. When we speak of the spirit of lust, that doesn't mean that if you have lustful thoughts that you're possessed by a demon. There are many different kinds of "spirits" and some actually do get inside of people, like those we just talked about from the Gospels. But there are also other kinds of spirits like the spirit of jealousy or the spirit of heaviness (despair or depression) or the spirit of fear ... These are not possessive of the physical body (though they can be many times), but they are spiritual things nonetheless.

Not tonight honey, I have a headache.

Here's another thing to think about ... The spirit of lust inside is probably the reason that you might come up with excuses not to have sex with your soul-mate often.

What? Why? Watch this ...

Because it doesn't want to leave! During the time that the spirit of lust is "visiting," the enemy of your soul knows that your own spirit is more vulnerable to do his bidding. If you evict the lust, then the enemy has to go find another victim to prospect.

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One trap that many couples fall into is neglecting their sexual relationship when they have children. Don't let this happen. The enemy will coach you with excuses; you're too tired, you'll wake the baby, there's no time, etc. Make it a priority. It's very important. You would stay up later than usual to wash the baby's linens that didn't get done and not bat an eye. You're not too tired, you won't wake the baby, and there is time. You're just being deceived by the enemy of your soul and so many people have accepted his coaching as commonplace that they think it's normal.

So, let's see if we're on the same page here. Get the bad out often. Evict often. Evacuate often.

I'm not joking with you. When you keep close to your soul-mate sexually, you tend to focus on love and family and baking cookies and playing Scrabble because you both know it's you (both) against the world and you naturally want to stay close and do honorable moral things and live a wholesome lifestyle.

But when you drift apart sexually, then the spirit of lust weakens your self control and the enemy of your soul convinces you to seek pleasure by doing things that aren't very virtuous. If you're a woman, instead of baking cookies, you want to go out with the girls and have a drink, or watch a dirty movie on TV when nobody's home or put on something provocative and go somewhere so that you'll get some attention and feel "wanted" ... A man gets the same urges too, to accommodate the lust that is conning him.

But, in most cases, all either one of you should have to do is talk and you could be taking care of business and getting the bad out and serving the Lord again right afterward. You can be honest here ... When you do that drifting apart stuff, you feel guilty, then you shy away from God because you know He knows, and you think He's mad and you're not worthy and on and on and on. What a tangled web we weave.

What were we talking about? Lots of Self Control in the Bible detours here today. Oh yeah, masturbation. We said that the reason a person wants to masturbate is to get the bad out, via sexual satisfaction. And is it okay?

What's the alternative? Are you going to refrain from it, but feel like a sex maniac because you can't rid yourself of the bad inside? That doesn't sound good. I have an answer for you ... The Marriage Bed is Undefiled!

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Time for a definition here:

defiled - to corrupt the purity or perfection of something ... to make filthy or dirty.

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Biblical Self Control in the Bible Over Lust

The Marriage Bed is Undefiled!

What you do there between you and your soul-mate is not corrupt, filthy or dirty, (or anybody else's business, may I add), but honorable in all.

That means, if you agree on something (as long as you don't involve anyone else) it is not deemed as wrong.

Sooo ... Share masturbation with your soul-mate if it is one of your desires or fantasies ...

Talk with each other about it.

Now, not only does lust affect your sexuality between you and your soul-mate, but as I said, keeping it in will also make you irritable and contrary and just down right (I'll be kind) not yourself.

I must add a little something special here. Don't ever let the enemy convince you that because of his temptation or your weakness, or both, that you have any justification for doing anything irrational.

1 Corinthians 10:13

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

So, all the people that you hear of these days, committing sexual immorality, made a choice not to take God's escape route from the temptation. It's not that He's not there when people need Him, it's that they fail to reach for His hand.

Now, though we may be understanding of all that logic, we are still encaged in human flesh, which carries the Original Sin "gene," which makes us vulnerable to change our countenance when the spirit of lust comes a calling.

Um, Excuse Me, Your Lust is Showing

The things that never bothered you before, are so irritating when lust is present, that you make no bones about nagging about them. (Let me remind you, this is a two way street. If your soul-mate is holding in lust, they are probably guilty of all the above as well. We're not here to point fingers though, we're here to shed light on a topic that most are afraid to address.) So, let's see ... Ask yourself some of these questions:

Does it bug me when a towel is left on the bathroom floor now, when I used to smile when I would pick it up just because I got to do something nice for him/her?

Does snoring bother me when it used to be like a lullaby?

Do I keep a tally of who does more for whom, when it used to be that I felt I couldn't do enough for him/her no matter how hard I tried?

Am I quick to criticize things he/she says or does when before I was simply sure he/she hung the moon and could do no wrong?

Does it bother me just to hear him/her chew?

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All righty ... You get the point. What do you think brings about these changes in married folks? Why are people losing that "lovin' feelin'?" Is it the aging process ... As we get older, do we naturally get less patient with one another? (There's that "I'm only human" thing again.) I could ask you dozens more questions, is it this, and is it that, but if you take a good look at any happily married couples that you might know, you'll probably sense that they have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship.

Now you may think that's kind of ... Shallow ... To base the success of a relationship on sex, but it is a major part of marriage, whether you want to admit it or not. When it starts to wane, so does the relationship. Of course I'm talking about the vast majority. I'm certain there are marriages that are "made in Heaven" in every way, but they're extraordinary. And then there are people who stay married for decades until they die, all the while miserable as could be ... But together until death ... Out of obligation. Does that sound like God's plan? Would you call that successful? How could things have been different? What can married couples do that are finding themselves in that kind of predicament?

Now, I'm certain that you've heard multi-thousands of times in the past several decades, the suggestion to communicate with your mate. Back in the 60's that was the answer to everything ...


Agreed! Communication is the answer. It's just that, nobody ever explained exactly how to communicate. They've given plenty of worldly views but has anyone touched your situation? Would you be here seeking an answer if they did?

I must gently warn you in advance, we may get a little wordy here in order to illustrate some things effectively. Let me give you a Self Control Bible study scenario ...

A husband comes home from work after a "normal" day of lustful temptations of the world to his wife, who has spent her day being filled with lustful temptations of the world watching television most of the day and a trip to the grocery store. At bedtime, the wife puts on a sexy nightie and the husband cuddles up to her and expresses that he's "in the mood." The wife confesses that she is too, and they have sex like they normally do ... When they do.

Is that communicating?


The husband is thinking about the girl or the advertisement or the comment that excited him earlier in the day, while he's making love to his wife, and the wife is thinking about the scene she saw on television or read about in the magazine she saw in the grocery store or the teenagers she saw necking in the parking lot as she makes love to her husband. Each are trying to satisfy the other, but ...


... They're each alone with their own thoughts, not sharing, not communicating.

Understand this. Communication means no holds barred. Don't hold anything back. What do you think is going to happen if your soul-mate can't get what he/she wants at home? It may take only take a few weeks, or it may take a month, or it may take a year, or it may take a few years, but eventually, thy are going to want to satisfy their sexual needs, urges and fantasies. Now, you may have married an honorable Christian man or woman who would never dream of physically cheating on you, but if they are having sex with you physically in bed, but with someone else in their mind ... Is this unity? Likewise, you may portray yourself to be true blue Sue or Lou, but your sexual needs, urges and fantasies are being neglected as well. But who's to blame? In this scenario ... Both. Because neither partner is completely sharing, trusting, communicating.

What can you do?

First, talk to each other ... really communicate. Agree to share all your thoughts, your feelings, your desires, your fantasies. If one is going to share and the other one isn't, things won't work out well. If you're scared or embarrassed to open up your heart and your thoughts to your soul-mate, things won't work out well. (Wait, wasn't that the thing that made you soul-mates to begin with ... The fact that you could share all your intimate thoughts with one another? What happened?)

I hope you will open your heart when you consider this because it can help you both a lot. Be careful that the spirit of jealousy doesn't prevent either of you from sharing with one another. You and your soul-mate chose to spend your lives together because you are one. They can't help it any more than you can that the spirit of lust tempts them with thoughts.

The Marriage Bed is Undefiled!

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

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Don't be afraid to enjoy sex with one another. If you don't enjoy it, you're defeating the purpose. If you're all up tight and can't relax and let your hair down and feel free to express your desires and enjoy them when your soul-mate freely gives them to you, then nothing is being exposed. Nothing is coming to the light. It will stay inside and grow until you get it out ... Somehow.

Very Important

Remember how we used the analogy of getting the bad out compared to going to the bathroom? Well ...

Don't Forget to Flush!

What do I mean by that? After you both get the bad out of each other, don't forget to discuss what the consequences would be if each actually lived out the fantasy.

It Would Stink!

Point out how you would hate yourselves, how it could affect other loved ones in your lives including children, how someone could possibly end up pregnant or in jail, etc. You can be sure the enemy of your soul does not like the light of Truth to shine on the reality of things.

Don't flush before it is out. You will ruin it. You're supposed to enjoy yourselves and each other and use each other. If you do not, it will make you feel inhibited and you will not get the stuff that is in your mind out. Do your business first, then flush.

Another very important thing to consider is that if you release your lust first, the actual culminating of your getting the bad out (not just the admitting of it) ... You won't feel like you're finished until your soul-mate is. That's just the way it is with real love. They are more important than you, if it's all working properly. That does not mean it's a contest of who can hold off the longest. You'll be defeating the purpose if you go that route. Just be sensitive to each other. It's really that simple.

Are Sex and Love the Same Thing?

What I mean to ask is, do you believe that sex is the ultimate expression of love? Some folks may believe that, but I've never read anything like that in the Bible.

For all you romantics that read this, I mean not to burst your bubble. I know you love the candlelight dinner and soft music and dim lights and slow dancing and satin sheets and pretty nighties and you associate that with love. Maybe I'm just stubborn, but they didn't have any of that (except maybe dim lights) back in ancient times ... And people had sex back then too!

Love is a strong emotion. IF you're an extremely rare couple, who aren't affected by the lust of the world pouring into your mind every hour of every day, and you have a sex life that is mutually satisfying where you both believe it's an expression of your love for one another, and all of your fantasies and needs and urges are met through that, then folks, more power to ya (You're probably not reading this right now if that describes you.

But let's talk about those who find that the spirit of lust gets inside of you, and getting rid of it carries quite a different definition than love (though the candle makers and love song artists and satin sheet manufacturers would love for you to believe sex is all about love).

For the majority, after having sex and releasing the lust inside, then love comes billowing out and you can express tender love through cuddling with one another, or cooking a meal and eating together, etc. No offense to anyone, but if you ponder on it all very carefully you can see that the kind of love that is associated with sex is quite different from taking care of one another when illness strikes, or appreciating the other's conversation and company. Sex is something that is also enjoyed between them, but is not used only to express love ... Rather to release the lust inside so that the true love can abide and grow stronger every minute.

That isn't to say that you should never have romantic loving sex with one another. Just be careful that when the bad comes out, the love doesn't leave with it. The old saying comes to mind ... Don't throw out the baby with the bath water. If you're going to have that kind of sex, make sure you both agree that you're not going to be secretly thinking of a different fantasy. If something else sneaks into your mind while you're "making love" ... By all means expose it to your soul-mate right away, switch gears and get that bad out. Reschedule your romantic "love making" for another time.

Let's Sum it All Up

The Marriage Bed is Undefiled!

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

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Things done in the marriage bed are between a man and his wife and are not judged. It goes on to say ... But whoremongers (people that have sex with anyone such as prostitution ... Even without pay) and adulterers (people that have sex with someone else's spouse) are in trouble.

So if you're married, you should never find yourself caught up in physically releasing your lust outside of the marriage as it should not be needed. You should be able to please each other and help each other remove the lust.

But ... It happens. Many married couples stop having sex or effective sex.
This can cause problems and "Satan tempts" one or both ... They find themselves getting caught up in everything from adultery to on-line cyber-sex trying to fill the void within.


Because of lack of communication between the two souls that are supposed to be one. This causes them to be unable to discuss private matters such as lustful thoughts. This causes them to need to release these thoughts and feelings ... Somewhere.

If you're married ... Do not allow the division to occur and your sex life to become boring, bland, distant or ineffective. Share your thoughts with your soul-mate. Let them know what's in your mind and on your heart.

1 Corinthians 7:5-7

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence (lack of control of your body).

In other words ... If you're married, you need to "come together" often as to avoid allowing the lust within to cause you to sin and Satan get a foothold in your life.

Filling the Void

Once all of this clicks and you get a good handle on dealing with the lust that the enemy presents to you every day, you may find that you feel ... Sort of empty. That's because when you get the bad out ... There is a void. Replace the bad with good! Try love ... That seems to be the best void filler there is.

Oh, and just because you've learned how to recognize and deal with lust more effectively, that doesn't mean that it's going to magically disappear. Oh no my dear friend, in fact the enemy of our souls will turn up the heat when he sees that he's losing his grasp on you. It's just a fact of Christianity. It's not something to be afraid of, it's something to be prepared for. Beef up your armor. Be alert. Stand firm. Fight the good fight.

But what about my past?

If you have been, or are caught up in the web of lust do not think you're unworthy of Grace. Never allow anyone to tell you that you're sentenced to Hell because you fell victim to lust.

Many Christians like to say that only evil souls do these things. Don't be deceived. Even a soul that God called the Apple of His eye, fell victim to the plague of the mind and heart. He is still deemed as God's favorite king.

2 Samuel, Chapter 11

(Brief Description)

David saw a married woman that he wanted, so he had sex with her and she became pregnant with David's child. David saw to it that her husband was killed so what David did would not be discovered. But, God sees all and David was punished as the child born to David and this woman was killed. David repented and was forgiven.

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Biblical Self Control in the Bible Summary

Allow me to sum it all up for you ... King David is a perfect example that sexual sin can overwhelm us and we can be overcome by it. But we can repent and be forgiven and the result is a clean slate. This is proven by king David and that same woman being the parents of Solomon which is a child within the bloodline to Jesus.

Be sure to share this study with your soul-mate. It's so very important that they understand as you do.

And remember that Prayer is the number one way to remove anything that you cannot overcome as all things are possible through Christ. He knows your heart!

God's Grace is so awesome, is it not?

There is a force out there that is attempting to overtake us all; it is Satan. There is another force that is protecting us from him; it is the Holy Spirit. It is a battle for souls. This battle is called Spiritual Warfare, and like it or not, you are right in the middle of it.

How to Prepare for Spiritual Warfare