Poetry by Zane

"To Love You, To Love Me"

To love you, is to love 'me'
in the only way I know how.
Completely.

It's the little things that mean so much in doing for you.
A card, an email, a phone call ...
To start your day with 'me' ... and to end the same.

We may not always be together,
But you will always know I'm near.

To love me is to know I get pleasure when I give.
To see the light in your eyes glow
To feel the warmth of your skin, your touch.
To breathe next to you, feeling yours on me as well.
To come to know my thoughts are the same as yours.
My fears, also the same.

To love you is for you to know
That I do not expect every day to be with smiles,
Laughter and Joy ...
But, that I understand there will be times when
You are sad and hurting ... nervous and breaking.
And to know, I will still be there to support you.

To love me is to know that I also
Have those times, the same as you and your
Patience and understanding is what I need also.
I will need your support as well.

To love you is to show you affection and care,
To connect mentally as it's a main attraction that
I have so that we can be physical.

To be able to express in words and actions,
Because that is who I am, what I am.
To make you feel special, because you are.

To love me is also in the same way,
To show me rather than tell me.
To communicate the good
And the not so good.
I am selfish in that I want it all.

To love you will take all of me,
Not just a piece here and there.
I give to you all that I am, all that I can.
To know, I hold nothing back ... and
Finding a way to believe what you see and hear
That I am real and sincere, will open the door to a future.

To love means opening your heart to all that can be,
Putting aside the walls, the fears and the doubts.
To believe in something which you can't always see
Because just as the air we breathe, it's invisible, yet very real.

To love you I know already that we will have many happy times
And smiles and laughs and positive days,
But I also know there are also times when it won't be as bright.

To love me is to understand that those times are part of
Everything ... and in those times, no matter what they are ...
My love is stronger than all of them combined.

To love you is for you to know I have prayed for you.
I have asked God for you always ...
And when I find you I will never let you go.
I have been searching too long, too hard ...
Almost to the point of exhaustion.

To love me is to have also been searching ...
Hoping ...
Praying ...
And
Believing.

Hello ... My name is Zane and I've been waiting for you.

Zane ~ December 31, 2001

One Day at a Time

You've never met me ... nor I you.
But we know each other already.
Your smell, I've always known, your touch I feel every day.
Your voice I hear every night, as I close my eyes and listen.
Soft, gentle ... as a calm breeze from nowhere.
Our eyes have never seen the other, yet I know you exist.
I search the world, as you ... and at times, ready to give up.

You've searched for me always, 'it' always seeming out of reach ...
lost, abandoned, forgotten, taken for granted.
Why? No one knows ... but, by now your heart is heavy and tired.
Few could blame you for not being able to 'believe'.
But to give up, you don't ... because you know what you feel is real.
I am real.

We share so much, we have both felt pain, desertion, unloved, unwanted ...
always asking 'why me'... yet you and I are so much alike ...
I've felt it all too. Faith is hard to come by. Especially now.
But have faith ... find it, grasp it with both hands.

Some will say the journey is finally over when I find you,
I say it has just begun. Some fairy tales do come true.
My only fear is there is not enough time to show you all inside me,
all I wish you to know and see and feel.
as it will surely take two life times to accomplish this task ...
But I am patient, for I know who you are,
who I am ...

By the time you read this, although it may seem new
It was written long before your eyes read these words,
long before either of us spoke the first word to the other.

In time you'll see the only magic I possess
is the magic in my heart, and that which only you can release.
The words and the thoughts are simple, it's almost unbelievable,
but it doesn't make them less true or less sincere.
By now you've been promised many things that didn't come true
and my asking you to believe one last time must seem inconceivable.
The pain you've been through is unimaginable.
Faith almost nonexistent.
Maybe I see something you can't? No, more like just 'knowing'.
A feeling, an instinct ... a voice that whispered to me.
"I've sent to you, your mate, faith brought her to you"

And I know it's up to me from this point.
Aside from pretty words,
sending flowers, jewelry or material things,
The simple truth is ...

I just want to love you,
One day at a time.

I know there will be those days you are flying high,
and I hope to share in it.
There will be those days where you are at your lowest,
and I hope to share in it also ... so you smile once again.
There will be times when I don't know what to say,
But I'll try to find the words anyway.
There will be times when you need your space,
and I'll walk behind you to catch you if you fall,
And when you can stand again,
I'll be back by your side and you'll see
I didn't go far off ... I'm always close by.
There may be times when you cry for no reason
and I don't understand why or why not,
But I will still try my best to be compassionate and caring,
gentle and loving, because I am ...I do.
There will be great times when all is good,
and you'll turn to me and see me smile,

Because in it all,
Through it all,

I've loved you all my life ... it is only now that I've met you
to be able to tell you.

Zane ~ December 30, 2000