How to Be a Good Christian Wife

Virtuous Wife

Christianity Oasis has provided you with the Virtuous Wife journey sharing Biblical advice on how to be a Good Christian Wife and Godly wife for the modern day Christian wife.

The Virtuous Woman
Step 3

Welcome to our Christianity Oasis Virtuous Woman study program. This is our fascinating path called the Virtuous Wife Bible exploration seeking ways of how to be a Godly wife as the Lord requests of you. The absolutely be-YOU-tiful message within the Godly Wife path to truth will bring enLIGHTening Truth to your YOU-nique Christian path.

Start this adventure from the beginning:

Welcome back!

Let's start Step 3 with the first half of Verse 11 from Proverbs 31.

How to Be a Good Christian Wife

Virtuous Wife - Godly Wife Vow

So nice to have you back again. We have a really great topic to discuss within this verse, and it's one that says a lot about a woman's virtue ... Trust. The Virtuous Wife knows that it's a good feeling to be trusted. To know that others depend on you and that you're consistent and predictable says a lot about your character. It also reveals that you're honest. What does the world think ... Well, today's woman would probably tell you that being unpredictable is much more exciting. An unpredictable person is someone who you never know what to expect from. Do you know people who are proud to be unpredictable? Does that sound very dependable? Does that definition depict a trustworthy individual? It's your call.

We all know that the eyes of God are on us at every moment, even when nobody else is looking. You may have heard before that it's what you do when no one else is looking, that really counts and identifies who you are. What would God say if He was asked if you could be trusted? We will all get our chance to know just that. If you've never heard of the Great White Throne Judgment, you may want to ponder on Revelation 20:12-13. And while reflecting on what it will be like when we stand before our maker to make an account of our lives, remember that He wants us to live righteously out of love for Him, not out of fear of Him. And never forget that He forgives us when we repent sincerely.

How to Be a Good Christian Wife Now
Virtuous Wife - Godly Wife Traits

Okay, so one of the first things that king Lemuel's mother listed as an endearing asset of a virtuous woman is that she's trustworthy. Now, I know we've only been through a few steps of the program, and you've probably seen me wander off the beaten path of our topic several times by now, and ... Here I go again!

Well ... I have questions!

Who was this king Lemuel, anyway? He wasn't mentioned anywhere else in the Bible, and even if you do a web search, you won't find many hard facts about him. How old was he during his reign? We know that there was one king (Joash) that reigned as young as the age of seven in Jerusalem, so who knows? He wasn't a king of Israel or Judah any time before the captivity, or wouldn't he would be mentioned in one of the Books of Kings? Where was he from? Oh, what difference does it make, right? Maybe. But what if we want to know more, so that we can relate better to the whole message that this mother wanted her son to heed. Then we'll have to just dig deeper into the scripture and see what we can find out.

Let's see if we can get a little better acquainted with Lemuel and his mom, who lived in a time that was so very different than our world today ... Or was it? Perhaps it's safe to assume that Lemuel was not married yet, and that his mom hoped to favorably influence him about choosing an honorable woman.

How to Be a Good Christian Wife Path
Virtuous Wife - Godly Wife Recipe

We all know how protective mothers can be, right? Well, it may have been that king Lemuel's mother sensed trouble in Lemuel's future because of one reason or another. Why would I assume that? Let me point out that in the beginning verses of this proverb, one thing that Lemuel's mom made it a point to warn her son about, was drinking, so could it have been that she noticed that her son, the king, was apt to party a little too ... Enthusiastically?

Proverbs 31:4-7

4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:
5 Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.
6 Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.
7 Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

Oh, who knows, it could have been that Lemuel's dad drank a bit too much and she didn't want him to follow in his dad's footsteps. Or it could have been that there were other kings of neighboring kingdoms that hit the sauce to excess. No matter, I'll get to the point. Lemuel's mother spent four verses advising him about drinking, and twenty-three verses advising him about the importance of virtue in a woman.

Now, usually royalty is passed down from generation to generation by bloodline, so do you suppose that Lemuel's mother, who we might assume was herself the wife of a king (Lemuel's daddy), thought she'd better have a little heart to heart with little Lem and make sure he didn't just go out and choose some tawdry woman to be sitting next to him on the throne, because she knew that such a disgrace could destroy the kingdom?

Being the wife of a king, Lemuel's mother knew how important it was for her king to trust her, and wanted her precious son to find a woman who he could trust as implicitly as possible.

What's all this got to do with you?

Secrets of How to Be a Good Christian wife
Virtuous Wife - Godly Wife Ingredients

If you are a married woman, you are the queen of your household and your husband is the king (so to speak). You work together as a team for the good of all in your family. You have to trust one another in order for the family to work in harmony and to be profitable servants representing Jesus. How do you know trust is such a big deal and important for a virtuous woman? Just imagine overhearing your king talking about you and saying, I think the queen of the castle is a virtuous woman ... I just don't trust her.

God Loves the Virtuous Wife
How to Be a Godly Wife Here and Now

You see how it doesn't work?! They go together. They belong together. Virtue, trust ... Together ... They fit. It just feels right.

Now, we just took a little detour off the beaten path so that you could reach in and open your mind to exploring the different perspectives an issue can have. Now I'm going to use some reverse psychology here, but I'm warning you ahead of time so it's all fair. Here it comes ... It's good to give new ideas a chance, right? The new ideas that this program is proposing ... Are old ideas ... Old fashioned ideas ... Ancient ideas. Fun, ain't it?

Just to ease your mind a bit, who really is this king Lemuel and his mom? Nobody really seems to know for certain but the name Lemuel means "to God," which some think is sort of a nickname of endearment for Solomon because the Lord referred to him as Jedidiah which means "beloved of God." Solomon's testimony of his experiences with wine and women in the book of Ecclesiastes would warrant this kind of admonition from his mother, making it easy to believe that Lemuel may be Solomon.

We also know that Solomon was very young when he became king so it would be fitting for Bathsheba, his mother to instruct him as to how he will need to act as a king. One last hint that Lemuel may be Solomon is that his mother addresses him as the son of my vows. The first son of David and Bathsheba was a son of adultery, and because it was a child of broken vows, that son had to die, but after David was forgiven, the Lord obviously accepted the marriage vows and the child Solomon, so we must all decide for ourselves whether Solomon is poetically referring to himself as Lemuel, or whether the identity of Lemuel belongs to someone else.

Now that we've had a pretty good exercise in opening our minds and hearts to different possibilities, let's get back to our study, shall we?

Patience is a Virtue

Remember that I told you that this whole virtuous woman lifestyle isn't easy? (Or did I say it was? Oh, that's right, it has something to do with our attitude, right?) No matter ... You must remember to be patient with yourself. When you decided that you wanted to change your life and seek the virtuous life, in essence, you're going through a rebirth, a transformation, and you're setting a new example for the women of this day and age.

It won't happen overnight. There are probably lots of beliefs that you have that are un-virtuous, yet because they are what was instilled in you, probably since you were a child, and you never learned any different, you believe they are virtuous. It will take time for you to realize this, and begin to expose the Truth to yourself about the lies that the world has deceivingly taught you are wholesome.

How to Be a Good Christian Wife Gift
Virtuous Wife - Godly Wife Here and Hereafter

They say this is brainwashing ... Yes, many will say that you are the one being brainwashed into believing that virtue is ... Virtuous ... How absurd!

Why oh why do I keep repeating myself? Because repetition is the key to learning and remembering things. And like we learned earlier, many attempts repeated, complete any undertaking.

You will stumble, just like a toddler learning to walk, you are learning how to walk a new walk, and your old ways may keep you tripping over your own feet, and it may even feel like you're crawling again, but you have to get up and keep on trying.

Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has a bad day. You are not a failure if you have trouble with one thing or another. Just reach out your hand, grasp on to the Holy Spirit and hold on tighter than you were before and carry on, with even more determination to do better because you've learned yet another lesson that will make it easier to get through the next time when a situation arises where you have to make a decision between acting virtuously ... Or not.

Now ... Back to the Virtuous Wife subject of trust.

When you make a mistake, admit it to yourself, to God, and to anyone that you may have hurt by it. By revealing your mistakes, you're demonstrating that you can be trusted because you're not trying to hide anything.

I want you to think about something for a moment. Have you ever done something untrustworthy and repented for it, but later on, you felt like the person you offended might never trust you again, though you know in your heart how sorry you are, and that you will try with your whole being to never do anything like that again?

Everybody has felt that before. Even the person who you think won't trust you again has done something untrustworthy and has probably felt that same "they'll never trust me again" feeling. Maybe they're very good at keeping it a secret, but again, it's that part of being human called Original Sin. There's only One person who is totally and unquestionably trustworthy and that is Jesus Christ.

Everyone else just falls into different degrees of untrustworthiness, so don't condemn yourself to a point of depression or feel like you can never gain trust again, because every relationship goes through different stages of trust, and all we can do is strive to be the best we can be. When you fall, sincerely repent and get back up on your feet immediately. Each time God forgives us for something, He puts His trust in us once again. It's a terrible, horrible feeling to be un-trusted. Work hard at being trustworthy. And always thank God for His liberating Grace.

One time when I was wallowing in self pity because of a bad decision I had made, a friend of mine (the one that was affected by my poor choice) graciously explained something very important to me. Let's say your child did a bad thing and you sent her to her room for time out. You explained to her that the only time she ever gets in trouble is when she does something that can hurt another, or hurt herself.

A little while later you passed by the door of the child's room and heard her banging her head against the wall because she felt so bad for what she had done. That certainly wasn't what you wanted her to do. You simply wanted her to be sorry for what she did, learn her lesson, and then come out and be her happy little self again. My friend, God feels the same way. He doesn't want you to punish yourself or pout and feel unworthy for any amount of time. He just wants you to learn your lesson, sincerely repent, and get back to being His beloved child again.

I have another story to tell you. This same true blue friend of mine who has given me a lot of great advice on how to be a good Christian wife, also explained it this way (at a different time when I made yet another poor choice).

When you do something that hurts someone, compare it to slapping them hard in the face. But then afterward when you come back into the light and see what you've done wrong ... You cry because you feel so bad (for yourself) that you did something unrighteous. It's kind of like slapping someone, and then crying, "Ohhh, my poor hand hurts."

Just wanted to share those two little tidbits with you, to put in your arsenal against the enemy the next time he tries to convince you that "Woe is me" is the path to grace. It is not.

Trust is a Must

When you contemplate how to be a good Christian wife, ask yourself this ... What is the foundation of love? Trust. Notice that it's the first virtue mentioned in this prophecy. It's a main ingredient in the recipe. Do you ever ask yourself: Does my husband trust me Completely beyond a shadow of a doubt? More importantly: Does God trust me ... Completely, and beyond a shadow of a doubt? God knows your soul by using your spirit to look within you. You can't hide anything from Him.

Proverbs 20:27

The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward parts of the belly.

He doesn't need to know your User ID or your password. He knows what's in your secret files, your journal entries and what's hidden behind the shoe boxes in your closet. Much more than that, He knows what's in your most secret of hiding places ... Your mind. He doesn't need a special key, a plastic card, a secret combination, your fingerprints, your DNA or to scan your retinas to gain access to everything you think, say and do.

How to Be a Good Christian Wife for God
Virtuous Wife is a Bride of Christ

1 Chronicles 28:9

And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve Him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the LORD searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek Him, He will be found of thee; but if thou forsake Him, He will cast thee off for ever.

Romans 8:27

And He that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because He maketh intercession for the Saints according to the will of God.

Proverbs 16:2

All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the LORD weigheth the spirits.

Hebrews 4:12

For the Word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Become the Virtuous Wife
How to Be a Good Christian Wife Instructions

Trust is a whole bunch different with God than it is with anyone else because of the fact that He knows everything already. But what about your earthly husband? Is God looking at your relationship with Him as an example of what kind of bride you'll be in Heaven?

Again, I stress to you that our all merciful Father knows all our weaknesses, but we shouldn't use weakness as an excuse for doing things that are not virtuous. The Lord also knows our determination, and our sincerity, and our repentance, and that's how we gain His Grace and His trust again when we do something we wish we hadn't. We're made in His image, and if you turn the tables and look at it from an objective point of view, we all want to trust those who are near to us, so use the Golden Rule and your loved ones will safely trust in you.

Now, the complete verse:

What does this mean ... Spoil? To spoil means to rob. This could mean that the husband of a virtuous woman has no need to worry that the faithfulness of his betrothed will be taken away by anything or anyone, and that she will never cause him damage or shame. And what assures him of that?


How to be a trustworthy Godly wife is the question.

What Can "Spoil" a Marriage?

People today believe in their heart that untrustworthy behavior is innocent and harmless. Flirting is regarded with admiration, and so very sadly, oft times a person's own spouse thinks of this as a redeeming quality in their wife or husband, instead of the destructive tool of indecency that it really is. It is the "gateway drug" to infidelity, it is certainly not an answer to how to be a good Christian wife.

You might think I'm being a little extreme about teaching how to be a good Christian wife, but it is Biblical so it is from God. I am but the sharing the Truth. Start observing people and take note of how much "charming" there is going on around you. It is commonly viewed as just being friendly, or cute, but how does most infidelity start? By an innocent? little smile? People today are exceedingly too personal with people they aren't married to. Whether it be an inappropriate look, word or gesture, it's easy to see that this is not the manner of a virtuous woman.

You Can Become the Virtuous Wife
How to Be a Godly Wife Secrets

Have a little heart to heart with God and ask Him what's appropriate and what isn't when communicating with someone you're not married to. Always pray that the Holy Spirit be with you and between you and another person who you're not espoused to, so that impropriety never occurs.

Since we're being honest with ourselves, let me ask you a virtuous wife question. You've seen the enemy teach this on television millions of times, but how many times while greeting someone with a handshake, have you seen someone smile at the person flirtatiously instead of a smile of fellowship? Incidentally, did you know that in the Bible, a handshake was to confirm agreement about something, and in the old west, it was to show that you weren't holding a gun, but today ... Oh my.

Becoming Virtuous is one of the most important things you can learn as a woman. If you were betrothed to the Lord (which you are, if Heaven is your desired destination), does it all seem so innocent and harmless anymore? Will He be looking for someone else who His heart can safely trust in more? I ask again, Is your devotion to your husband a test of what kind of Angel and bride you would be to the Lord? It's something worth considering very carefully.

James 1:12

Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love Him.

How to Be a Good Christian Wife Summary

You can change your life so that you are worthy of His trust; and if you know the Lord trusts you, you can be sure your soul-mate here on earth, too, will have no worries about your trustworthiness. Pray about how to be trustworthy. The power of prayer is something the Virtuous Wife needs in her life.

And as always, reflect on God's Grace, and thank Him, each and every day.

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The Virtuous Woman Steps


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