The Virtuous Woman
Let's start Step 3 with the first half of Verse 11 from Proverbs 31.
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So nice to have you back again. We have a really great topic to discuss within this verse, and it's one that says a lot about a woman's virtue ... Trust. The Virtuous Wife knows that it's a good feeling to be trusted. To know that others depend on you and that you're consistent and predictable says a lot about your character. It also reveals that you're honest. What does the world think ... Well, today's woman would probably tell you that being unpredictable is much more exciting. An unpredictable person is someone who you never know what to expect from. Do you know people who are proud to be unpredictable? Does that sound very dependable? Does that definition depict a trustworthy individual? It's your call.
We all know that the eyes of God are on us at every moment, even when nobody else is looking. You may have heard before that it's what you do when no one else is looking, that really counts and identifies who you are. What would God say if He was asked if you could be trusted? We will all get our chance to know just that. If you've never heard of the Great White Throne Judgment, you may want to ponder on Revelation 20:12-13. And while reflecting on what it will be like when we stand before our maker to make our account of our lives, remember that He wants us to live righteously out of love for Him, not out of fear of Him. And never forget that He forgives us when we repent sincerely.
How to Be a Trustworthy Virtuous Wife
Okay, so one of the first things that king Lemuel's mother listed as an endearing asset of a virtuous woman is that she's trustworthy. Now, I know we've only been through a few steps of the program, and you've probably seen me wander off the beaten path of our topic several times by now, and ... Here I go again!
Well ... I have questions!
Who was this king Lemuel, anyway? He wasn't mentioned anywhere else in the Bible, and even if you do a web search, you won't find many hard facts about him. How old was he during his reign? We know that there was one king (Joash) that reigned as young as the age of seven in Jerusalem, so who knows? He certainly wasn't a king of Israel or Judah any time before the captivity, or he would be mentioned in one of the Books of Kings. Where was he from? Oh, what difference does it make, right? Maybe. But what if we want to know more, so that we can relate better to the whole message that this mother wanted her son to heed. Then we'll have to just dig deeper into the scripture and see what we can find out.
Let's see if we can get a little better acquainted with Lemuel and his mom, who lived in a time that was so very different than our world today ... Or was it? Perhaps it's safe to assume that Lemuel was not married yet, and that his mom hoped to favorably influence him about choosing an honorable woman.
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We all know how protective mothers can be, right? Well, it may have been that king Lemuel's mother sensed trouble in Lemuel's future because of one reason or another. Why would I assume that? Let me point out that in the beginning verses of this proverb, one thing that Lemuel's mom made it a point to warn her son about, was drinking, so could it have been that she noticed that her son, the king, was apt to party a little too ... Enthusiastically?
4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to
drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:
5 Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the
judgment of any of the afflicted.
6 Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and
wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.
7 Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his
misery no more.
Oh, who knows, it could have been that Lemuel's dad drank a bit too
much and she didn't want him to follow in his dad's footsteps. Or it
could have been that there were other kings of neighboring kingdoms
that hit the sauce to excess. No matter, I'll get to the point.
Lemuel's mother spent four verses advising him about drinking, and
twenty-three verses advising him about the importance of virtue in a
Now, usually royalty is passed down from generation to generation by bloodline, so do you suppose that Lemuel's mother, who we might assume was herself the wife of a king (Lemuel's daddy), thought she'd better have a little heart to heart with little Lem and make sure he didn't just go out and choose some tawdry woman to be sitting next to him on the throne, because she knew that such a disgrace could destroy the kingdom?
Being the wife of a king, Lemuel's mother knew how important it was for her king to trust her, and wanted her precious son to find a woman who he could trust as implicitly as possible.
What's all this got to do with you?
How to be a Godly Wife Secret ... If you are a married woman, you are the queen of your household and your husband is the king (so to speak). You work together as a team for the good of all in your family. You have to trust one another in order for the family to work in harmony and to be profitable servants representing Jesus. How do you know trust is such a big deal and important for a virtuous woman? Just imagine overhearing your king talking about you and saying, I think the queen of the castle is a virtuous woman ... I just don't trust her.
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You see how it doesn't work?! They go together. They belong together.
Virtue, trust ... Together ... They fit. It just feels right.
Now, we just took a little detour off the beaten How to be a Godly Wife path so that you could reach in and open your mind to exploring the different perspectives an issue can have. Now I'm going to use some reverse psychology here, but I'm warning you ahead of time so it's all fair. Here it comes ... It's good to give new ideas a chance, right? The new ideas that this program is proposing ... Are old ideas ... Old fashioned ideas ... Ancient ideas. Fun, ain't it?
Just to ease your mind a bit, who really is this king Lemuel and his
mom? Nobody really seems to know for certain but the name Lemuel
means "to God," which some think is sort of a nickname of endearment
for Solomon because the Lord referred to him as Jedidiah which means
"beloved of God." Solomon's testimony of his experiences with wine
and women in the book of Ecclesiastes would warrant this kind of
admonition from his mother, making it easy to believe that Lemuel may
We also know that Solomon was very young when he became king so it
would be fitting for Bathsheba, his mother to instruct him as to how
he will need to act as a king. One last hint that Lemuel may be
Solomon is that his mother addresses him as the son of my vows. The
first son of David and Bathsheba was a son of adultery, and because
it was a child of broken vows, that son had to die, but after David
was forgiven, the Lord obviously accepted the marriage vows and the
child Solomon, so we must all decide for ourselves whether Solomon is
poetically referring to himself as Lemuel, or whether the identity of
Lemuel belongs to someone else.
Now that we've had a pretty good exercise in opening our minds and
hearts to different possibilities, let's get back to our study, shall
Patience is a Virtue
Remember that I told you that this whole virtuous woman lifestyle
isn't easy? (Or did I say it was? Oh, that's right, it has something
to do with our attitude, right?) No matter ... You must remember to
be patient with yourself. When you decided that you wanted to change
your life and seek the virtuous life, in essence, you're going
through a rebirth, a transformation, and you're setting a new example
for the women of this day and age.
It won't happen overnight. There are probably lots of beliefs that
you have that are un-virtuous, yet because they are what was
instilled in you, probably since you were a child, and you never
learned any different, you believe they are virtuous. It will take
time for you to realize this, and begin to expose the Truth to
yourself about the lies that the world has deceivingly taught you are
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They say this is brainwashing ... Yes, many will say that you
are the one being brainwashed into believing that virtue is ...
Virtuous ... How absurd!
Why oh why do I keep repeating myself? Because repetition is the key
to learning and remembering things. And like we learned earlier, many
attempts repeated, complete any undertaking.
You will stumble, just like a toddler learning to walk, you are
learning how to walk a new walk, and your old ways may keep you
tripping over your own feet, and it may even feel like you're
crawling again, but you have to get up and keep on trying.
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has a bad day. You are not a
failure if you have trouble with one thing or another. Just reach out
your hand, grasp on to the Holy Spirit and hold on tighter than you
were before and carry on, with even more determination to do better
because you've learned yet another lesson that will make it easier to
get through the next time when a situation arises where you have to
make a decision between acting virtuously ... Or not.
Now ... Back to the Virtuous Wife subject of trust.
When you make a mistake, admit it to yourself, to God, and to anyone
that you may have hurt by it. By revealing your mistakes, you're
demonstrating that you can be trusted because you're not trying to
I want you to think about something for a moment. Have you ever done
something untrustworthy and repented for it, but later on, you felt
like the person you offended might never trust you again, though you
know in your heart how sorry you are, and that you will try with your
whole being to never do anything like that again?
How to be a Godly Wife Tidbit of Truth ... Everybody has felt that before. Even the
person who you think won't trust you again has done something
untrustworthy and has probably felt that same "they'll never trust me
again" feeling. Maybe they're very good at keeping it a secret, but
again, it's that part of being human called Original Sin. There's
only One person who is totally and unquestionably trustworthy and
that is Jesus Christ.
Everyone else just falls into different degrees of untrustworthiness,
so don't condemn yourself to a point of depression or feel like you
can never gain trust again, because every relationship goes through
different stages of trust, and all we can do is strive to be the best
we can be. When you fall, sincerely repent and get back up on your
feet immediately. Each time God forgives us for something, He puts
His trust in us once again. It's a terrible, horrible feeling to be
un-trusted. Work hard at being trustworthy. And always thank God for
His liberating Grace.
One time when I was wallowing in self pity because of a bad decision
I had made, a friend of mine (the one that was affected by my poor
choice) graciously explained something very important to me. Let's
say your child did a bad thing and you sent her to her room for time
out. You explained to her that the only time she ever gets in trouble
is when she does something that can hurt another, or hurt herself.
A little while later you passed by the door of the child's room and
heard her banging her head against the wall because she felt so bad
for what she had done. That certainly wasn't what you wanted her to
do. You simply wanted her to be sorry for what she did, learn her
lesson, and then come out and be her happy little self again. My
friend, God feels the same way. He doesn't want you to punish
yourself or pout and feel unworthy for any amount of time. He just
wants you to learn your lesson, sincerely repent, and get back to
being His beloved child again.
I have another How to be a Godly Wife story to tell you. This same true blue friend of mine,
also explained it this way (at a different time when I made yet
another poor choice).
When you do something that hurts someone, compare it to slapping them hard in the face. But then afterward when you come back into the light and see what you've done wrong ... You cry because you feel so bad (for yourself) that you did something unrighteous. It's kind of like slapping someone, and then crying, "Ohhh, my poor hand hurts."
Just wanted to share those two little tidbits with you, to put in your arsenal against the enemy the next time he tries to convince you that "Woe is me" is the path to grace. It is not.
Trust is a Must
How to be a Godly Wife Trivia Time ... What is the foundation of love? Trust. Notice that it's the first virtue mentioned in this prophecy. It's a main ingredient in the recipe. Do you ever ask yourself: Does my husband trust me Completely beyond a shadow of a doubt? More importantly: Does God trust me ... Completely, and beyond a shadow of a doubt? God knows your soul by using your spirit to look within you. You can't hide anything from Him.
The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward parts of the belly.
He doesn't need to know your User ID or your password. He knows what's in your secret files, your journal entries and what's hidden behind the shoe boxes in your closet. Much more than that, He knows what's in your most secret of hiding places ... Your mind. He doesn't need a special key, a plastic card, a secret combination, your fingerprints, your DNA or to scan your retinas to gain access to everything you think, say and do.
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1 Chronicles 28:9
And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve
Him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the LORD
searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the
thoughts: if thou seek Him, He will be found of thee; but if thou
forsake Him, He will cast thee off for ever.
And He that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the
Spirit, because He maketh intercession for the Saints according to
the will of God.
All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the LORD
weigheth the spirits.
For the Word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two
edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and
spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the
thoughts and intents of the heart.
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Trust is a whole bunch different with God than it is with anyone else because of the fact that He knows everything already. But what about your earthly husband? Is God looking at your relationship with Him as an example of what kind of bride you'll be in Heaven?
Again, I stress to you that our all merciful Father knows all our weaknesses, but we shouldn't use weakness as an excuse for doing things that are not virtuous. The Lord also knows our determination, and our sincerity, and our repentance, and that's how we gain His Grace and His trust again when we do something we wish we hadn't. We're made in His image, and if you turn the tables and look at it from an objective point of view, we all want to trust those who are near to us, so use the Golden Rule and your loved ones will safely trust in you.
Now, the complete verse:
What does this mean ... Spoil? To spoil means to rob. This could mean that the husband of a virtuous woman has no need to worry that the faithfulness of his betrothed will be taken away by anything or anyone, and that she will never cause him damage or shame. And what assures him of that?
How to be trustworthy is the question.
What Can "Spoil" a Marriage?
The Virtuous Wife Point of Interest ... People today believe in their heart that untrustworthy behavior is innocent and harmless. Flirting is regarded with admiration, and so very sadly, oft times a person's own spouse thinks of this as a redeeming quality in their wife or husband, instead of the destructive tool of indecency that it really is. It is the "gateway drug" to infidelity.
You might think I'm being a little extreme about teaching how to be a godly wife, but it is Biblical so it is from God. I am but the sharing the Truth. Start observing people and take note of how much "charming" there is going on around you. It is commonly viewed as just being friendly, or cute, but how does most infidelity start? By an innocent? little smile? People today are exceedingly too personal with people they aren't married to. Whether it be an inappropriate look, word or gesture, it's easy to see that this is not the manner of a virtuous woman.
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Have a little heart to heart with God and ask Him what's appropriate and what isn't when communicating with someone you're not married to. Always pray that the Holy Spirit be with you and between you and another person who you're not espoused to, so that impropriety never occurs.
Since we're being honest with ourselves, let me ask you a virtuous wife question. You've seen the enemy teach this on television millions of times, but how many times while greeting someone with a handshake, have you seen someone smile at the person flirtatiously instead of a smile of fellowship? Incidentally, did you know that in the Bible, a handshake was to confirm agreement about something, and in the old west, it was to show that you weren't holding a gun, but today ... Oh my.
How to be a Godly Wife Bottom Line ... If you were betrothed to the Lord (which you are, if Heaven is your desired destination), does it all seem so innocent and harmless anymore? Will He be looking for someone else who His heart can safely trust in more? I ask again, Is your devotion to your husband a test of what kind of Angel and bride you would be to the Lord? It's something worth considering very carefully.
Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love Him.
How to Be a Godly Wife Summary
You can change your life so that you are worthy of His trust; and if you know the Lord trusts you, you can be sure your soul-mate here on earth, too, will have no worries about your trustworthiness. Pray about how to be trustworthy. The power of prayer is something the Virtuous Wife needs in her life.
And as always, reflect on God's Grace, and thank Him, each and every
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The Virtuous Wife
How To Be A Godly Wife Resources
Bible Study Tools ... What It Does and Does Not Mean to Be a Virtuous Woman? A virtuous woman doesn't look to society – or even people in general – for her worth, but to God and what He has called her to be as part of His plan. Even if it means that she is seen as an outcast for her choice to follow God, she does so because she knows God loves her and will provide.
Got Questions ... What does it mean to be a godly wife? A godly wife is one who has the complete trust of her husband. He doesn't have to worry she will be tempted by the wiles of another man, overcharge the credit cards, or spend all day watching soap operas. He knows she is dignified, wise, and devoted (Proverbs 31:11, 12, 25, 26). He is confident of her support and sincere love because she is not vindictive or critical.
Holy Spirit ... The Godly Wife - Get to know the Holy Spirit and He will reveal to you how to be a Godly wife and help you obtain and maintain inner peace. This is one of the most awesome gifts you will ever receive or share.
iBelieve ... What Does the Bible Say about How to Be a Godly Wife? A godly wife seeks to honor God with her words and actions. We can take our cue from the psalmist who writes in Psalm 139:23-24, Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Knowing Jesus ... 15 Bible verses about Virtuous Woman - An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.
OpenBible.info ... What Does the Bible Say About Virtuous Wife? An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
Pinterest ... The Virtuous Wife - A devoted Christian wife and mother of two girls that loves cooking, baking, cake decorating, freezer cooking, making homemade breads, sewing, and more!
Woman Of Noble Character ... Virtuous Wife Homemaker, Entrepreneur Or Professional? The virtuous wife is, first and foremost, a diligent woman – she works hard in the home for her husband and family. Fearing the Lord (Proverbs 31:30) this godly woman applies herself physically and mentally each day. She puts her priorities in order handling her home and family duties before she hops on Facebook or other self-serving activities.
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